9 March 2025
@ojkabf Mumma posing after getting her book
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been a very busy day. My whole day was spent getting the house deep cleaned. Although I had Misal Pav for brunch, I'd say it was quite satisfying. I wanted to work on the CodeChef website design, but I couldn't get around to it. At least the house looks good now; all it needs is some decoration. I've ordered my washroom essentials and some other basic items. I called Mots to ask her for the wooden panel, but she neither answered nor called back. I'm thinking of getting Kanye West wall posters.
You know, today my sister took Prisha to a bookstore. Prisha wanted me to buy her a Barbie book. She was like, "Baby, send me money for my book and something for us to eat," lol.
Anyway, when I was out smoking on my balcony, since I don't want my room to smell, it's a no-smoking zone, I found the switch for the fairy lights in my ceiling. It looks nice, but I'm planning to get LED ones instead. I can't wait to show you how I'm going to turn my room into Nirvana.
Also, if I upload a picture @ojkabf, I'll caption it with something you'll definitely notice.
8 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Happy International Women's Day, my love. You are one bold, beautiful, strong, smart, and stunning woman I've ever seen in my life. You've got everything in you - strength, determination, and grace. You can do anything - running the resort, starting your brand, you name it, and you'll kill it. In the best way possible, lol. Also, always be happy. Whenever you feel like you're losing it or feeling out of place, remember there's always one space where you can be whoever you want to be, a place called home, eh?
what a lazy day it has been! I slept in my new room and woke up around 11 a.m. The room still hasn't been cleaned, but it's scheduled for a deep clean tomorrow. I've ordered a big mattress, just like the one you had, a double size, now I need those wooden panels. I've also made a list of things I need to buy, rent, or do. The day was getting boring, so I told Abhay we'd go bowling. I called Peergadi to ask if he was joining, and he said he'd check with Pepsi. But both of them ended up being no-shows.
Today, we had some Marathi food - Thecha, kimchi, fancy names but not-so-fancy taste, lol. We also considered having a drink or two later in the night. In the end, all we did was hit the gym, sit at The Coffee Makers with Peergadi and Pepsi, then came back home, had a vodka drink, smoked one, and fell asleep watching some series called Dupahiya.
7 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm early today, making up for the times I've been late with my blogs. Actually, Abhay and I hang out, talk, watch movies, and eat together, and it usually gets very late. But now that the old flatmate is gone, we'll have the house deep cleaned by tomorrow. Then, I can start working on my room, decorating it, getting a mattress, a table, and a chair. Oh, and as many plants as I can get my hands on! I'll show you my room once it's done. Abhay and I have decided to dedicate an hour to discussing business and brainstorming on the whiteboard. We have two whiteboards, so that should work well.
You know, I've been thinking, if someone were to ask me, What is it you most desire? I think I'd say: to leave everything behind, this job, Bangalore and go to Raipur to start a life with you. And by life, I don't just mean living together, but building something meaningful -a life where I have you by my side, where we create something new, whether it's a business, a brand, or even the resort (to be honest, I've always wanted to help you with your ventures and give my all to them). A life filled with adventures, a lifetime together, a life of hot mex (lol), a life where I am cared for, a life of love, Gigi's mother, love.
6 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, as I told you, I had a runny nose. Today, I'm really not feeling well. I woke up on time for the office but decided to work from home. I didn't get any work done, I just couldn't. I rested instead.
Then, Karthike invited me to NIFT's fest. He told me there would be special bhaang thandai. I shouldn't have gone to drink it, it was too icy, but it tasted good. Then he gave me another drink, some lemonade with alcohol. The fest wasn't as exciting as I had expected.
I got back, slept, and skipped the gym. Woke up late, and now my whole body is aching. I ordered some medicine along with dal and roti, ate my food, and took the medicine. Now I'm going to sleep.Good night, love.
5 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's 3:50 a.m. now, I gotta sleep. Sorry I couldn't complete the new section of this page, but hopefully, I'll finish it tomorrow. If you click on your and Gigi's picture, it takes you to my exclusive Instagram, haha. I may not be on Instagram, but I created one on Gigi's page of myself, lol. Although it's not ready for mobile yet. There aren't many pictures because I never clicked much, you know me, you were "the one who knew how to take good pictures." I was going to post Goa pictures, but then I thought, I never really shared many photos, especially the ones I talked about in the blogs. So, just letting my designer side come out.
Anyway, I spent the whole day listening to old songs, the ones we used to listen to, the ones you introduced me to, while also working on designing the CodeChef website. Had a meeting with the marketing team; they said the hero section feels typical of the edtech sector, so they're looking forward for me adding some transitions now.
I've got a runny nose, and it's turning into a cold. Went to the gym too, did legs after so long. The most productive thing I did today, apart from gym and work, was ironing my clothes, haha. Oh, and I have a setup tomorrow with Simpl's Product Manager as he asked.
4 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up on time for the office but felt commuting would be a waste of time, so I took WFH. Remember the meeting I had yesterday? It was with the marketing agency we hired. Since our company has been doing well with just organic users, they now want to invest in marketing.
The first thing they want us to change is the CodeChef website. I agreed to deliver an iteration by Wednesday. Plus, I already had existing tasks, so commuting would have wasted a lot of time, and I felt more productive at home. I spent the whole day working on the website redesign. Then the match started, so it was a mix of work and the match, lol. It was so thrilling! In the end, I liked how the redesign turned out, just needs some finishing touches. I even suggested changing the entire website font. I got so caught up in the redesign and the match that I skipped the gym since there was so much to do, and the deadline is tomorrow. I truly believe if we modernize the platform, it'll perform better, it's quite inconsistent right now. I really want to lead in making it better.
Anyway, I've been wanting to say, I miss you so much, yaar. The urge to see your face every single day, to give you all my love. I love you, woman. ❤︎
3 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Yesterday, I thought of ordering something online at the station for food as we hurried back to the bogie, but when I checked, there was no food delivery service available for the train. Sed 😪. At least I had a burger, not great, though.
I woke up around 8 AM. You came into my dreams, it felt so close to being in your presence since I last saw you. Sed!!
We reached in the afternoon, and I got home around 2:30 PM. Met Abhay, he also returned from Bahrain, Oman. Today, we bathed both the cats. What a task it was! It reminded me of how much trouble you must have gone through while bathing our Gigi. We even dried them with a hairdryer, another big challenge. Then I took a bath myself, and it felt so good. We went out to eat and had one Andhra veg meal and one non-veg. It was okay but expensive for its standard, though it had good ratings. Anyway, we came back, I did some work, and took a half-hour nap. Woke up around 6:15 PM because I had a meeting at 6:30. It went on till 8 PM, after which I had coffee and went to the gym. Had a great workout session. On our way back to Coffee Makers, we ate some ghee idli podi, some vada, some rice, and bonda. It was so good and absolutely delicious, no wonder it was so crowded, which was the only reason we stopped, lol. After that, we went to Coffee Makers. Returned home and smoked one. I made a mango shake since I had some mango left from last time, and Abhay had just bought a new grinder, stars aligned! We made a zero-sugar mango shake, mama mia, delicious!! Although Abhay added sugar to his, cheater. We've also decided to get the house deep cleaned and take care of a few other things. We're planning to start some work, whether around my idea or something new. He has some great connections.
Gigi' s mother, I need to step up now and focus on my next goal. Meeting you has made me even more motivated and inspired. I'll keep working toward the life where I feel happy, successful, and loved.
P.S. I'll soon share the photos from my Goa trip, though I don’t have many, lol.
2 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Sorry I got late. It wasn't my fault, there was no network on the train. It's the 3rd of March, and I had no idea when March even started, lol.
Anyway, I was awake before breakfast was about to be over. There wasn't anything for me at the buffet, so I just had coffee and ordered an omelet. Kiran had stayed over at his friend's place. After breakfast, I came back to the room and did some work. I called Kiran, but he was asleep. So, I just hung out with the rest of the crew and got literally bored. I thought we had planned to go sightseeing before leaving, but when I asked Suraj, he said we'd just go straight to the station. The whole day, I did nothing, thinking we had a plan. Then I was like, I'll just go somewhere myself if nobody wants to. They had ordered Behrouz Biryani. I ate and then went out to get a lighter because Kiran took mine last night. He lost his and took mine instead. Although Kiran said he'd be back in about an hour, he wasn't. Today was the match. We had a bad start, and I made a bet with Suraj on India's total score, haha. See, I was trying to get to know the office people better, but it wasn't much of a success—probably because they were office people. I mean, I made friends with Kiran and his friends, but the office crowd? I don't know. Just because of this, I called Kiran again, and he told me to come to Agasin's place, his same friend. I took a cab. And did you know there's no Ola, Uber, or Rapido in Goa? There's this app called Goa Miles to book a cab. It's a shitty app, but at least it gets you places, haha. Also, Google Maps in Goa is trippy, it'll take you somewhere totally different from where you actually want to go.
Anyway, I somehow reached. They were watching Friends, Agasin, his girlfriend, and Kiran. We smoked one and chatted for a while until it was time for me and Kiran to leave. Agasin dropped us off, and we exchanged numbers. We made a deal to go to Boiler Room if it happens in Bangalore or Goa. It was nice meeting these people.
Kiran is married to his school-time girlfriend. Agasin is dating. Agasin and his girlfriend remind me a lot of Sona and Varun.
Back at the hotel, we packed and left in 20 minutes. I sat in the car with Anirudh and Kiran. So, Anirudh is kinda the co-owner of CodeChef, and Kiran, you know by now on paper, haha. The car ride to the railway station was quiet, so I started asking Anirudh about his trip to Goa and other random stuff. Most of the people in the group were visiting Goa for the first time.
We reached the station three hours before boarding, so we decided to go out and eat. But Kiran and I went to a bar instead, drank, and watched the match. It was really interesting, and we won anyway. It was nice watching the match in a bar. I was hungry, so I told Kiran we should have dinner somewhere else after drinking, but we were getting late. So, I just packed a sandwich to eat on the way. We boarded the train. They were playing Never Have I Ever and some card game. It was fun. I was drunk too, haha, I kinda made fun of everyone.
Overall, the trip was saved by Kiran and his friends. Otherwise, it would have been a deadbeat.
1 March 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, we woke up around 10 AM, just in time for breakfast, which was served until 10:30 AM. Kiran and I went downstairs to the restaurant or whatever it's called. Luckily, there were some items I could eat without having to say, "I can't eat this or that." I took upma, poha, and coffee. We also ordered an omelette. After finishing breakfast, we came back and lazed around in bed. After an hour or so, we went to his friend's place, where his(friends) girlfriend was also present. We all smoked two and talked quite a lot. Then, we went to a bar they chose since they were our guides here. His friend had a car. We thought we could get Urak, but we couldn't. Meanwhile, Viva Carnival had also started, and we had planned to go see it. We drank and ate, the food was better than I had anticipated. The group planned to go to Miramar Beach in the evening. We came back before 5:30 PM, rested for a while, and then got ready to go to the beach. They made us wear our CodeChef blue T-shirts for photos. Since the beach was nearby, we walked there. They even made us pose in human letters, which spelled out "CodeChef." I played frisbee and also went into the water. It felt good to be in the sea again, and I got to see my second sunset in Goa.
Gigi’s mother, this whole trip is nothing but a collection of our Goa memories. Everywhere I go, I'm like, “Oh, this is that place,” or “This is where we passed, stayed, or hung out.” Thank God I wasn't sober at any time, haha.
Once the beach closed, we had planned to go to the carnival. But Kiran, his friend, and I had also decided to go separately because, to be honest, I didn't want to go with the office crowd. Kiran and his friends are in their early 30s, while most people from the office are around 22-24.
We got ready, but then came the confusion, where exactly were we going? Were we going to the carnival or not? By then, the carnival was almost over. The company hired a traveler to take everyone to Tito's Lane. Meanwhile, since we (Kiran, his friend, and I) had planned to go to the carnival together, we stuck to our plan. The carnival was just 3 km from our place, while Tito's was 21 km away. Kiran and I left on foot since his friends were going to catch up with us on the way. We stopped by The Pinch to check out the vibe. Kiran went inside for a quick look and then came back, and we moved forward. His friends arrived, and we went to the carnival anyway. By the time we reached, the host literally said, “Tata, bye-bye,” haha. It was so crowded that there wasn't even space to walk, but we managed. We had our first Urak of the season, followed by another one. Smoked one in the car and then headed somewhere near Tito’s Lane.
We had a Jägermeister bottle with us for some pre-booze. It was fun hanging out with them the whole time. Once we reached the place, we ordered some beers and started dancing. We had been listening to techno in the car, trying to get into the vibe, but they were playing Bollywood there, haha. Still, we danced the whole night. The office crowd had also joined us as it was nearby and left early, but we stayed until around 3:30 AM.
They had planned to go somewhere else afterward, but by then, I was totally, totally drunk and feeling sleepy. So, they dropped me off, and I just came into the room and crashed.
28 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I think I'm so drunk and high that I can't even realize that fact, haha. Let me take you back a few hours.
We arrived early in the morning at 5:30 AM at Vasco da Gama station. We had booked a traveler and another SUV. It was still kind of dark. We listened to so-called typical traveler bus songs, it was okayish. After reaching the hotel, Kiran, who is from business side of the company, asked me, "Himanshu, you smoke, right?" Then we smoked right after getting off the traveler. He told me his friend lived nearby and would bring some stash. After checking in and freshening up, Kiran and I decided to go smoke. Meanwhile, our hotel breakfast was scheduled for around 8:30 AM. His friend came in a car, and we went to Miramar Beach. We smoked there, came back, and I ate only six half-cut bananas with a black coffee.
We had planned to go to Baga Beach with the whole crew. It was too hot. I changed into a black oversized T-shirt and black shorts, the same ones I wore when I was with you. I miss Goa with you. Everywhere I went, I recalled our memories together. I even told Kiran about our Nerul experience. We had two beach sheds. Everyone went into the water at different levels, some just got their feet wet, while others went all in. I couldn't because of my nose piercing. Kiran and I got three beers each, starting with Kingfisher Strong, then Ultra, and finally Budweiser. After some time, we decided to eat at a restaurant. I didn't like the food at all, and I don't understand why everyone said it was good, probably peer pressure or maybe just because the waiter/manager asked. I really wanted to say I've had way better, or at least that it could have been better.
Later, eight of us decided to return to the hotel, while the rest went to Aguada Fort. After coming back, I did some work and chilled for a bit. Kiran's friend came over again, sorry, I don't remember his name, probably because it was hard to recall. They had tea, and just as I was about to get my black coffee, Kiran, his friend, and I left to go smoke by the beach shore. It was a nice spot, a rocky area where we watched the sunset. We could have found a better view, but it wasn't about that. We sat there for a while, then went to his friend's flat. We smoked one there while they ate some sweets they had picked up on the way Meanwhile, we selected a few places for dinner with the whole team. The place we chose turned out to be nice, the food was much better than the awful lunch. I ordered a Cosmopolitan as my first drink, followed by a beer. I had paneer tikka, but later, I was still hungry, so I ordered some fries. Once everyone was done, we planned to buy some booze and get drunk at the hotel. We got a full and a half bottle of Antiquity, along with half a bottle of Smirnoff. Not many people in the team drink, they're still figuring out their puberty, haha, just kidding. Anyway, at the moment, I'm stuck with them, trying to get to know them as colleagues. But it's okay, I made a few new friends.
And I missed Goa with you. Goa is only truly Goa with you. I love you, my love. I miss you.
27 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, So, I wasn't supposed to sleep the whole night. I could only afford to stay awake until 2–2:30 a.m., and that too just to write the blog. After that, I felt like shutting my eyes. I didn't have the energy to stay awake any longer, even though I wanted to. I thought of ordering some sabudana khichdi or something for breakfast, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get it early in the morning, as my eating window was between 6:59 and 8:57 a.m. Anyway, I set an alarm for around 7 a.m. since I had to pack for Goa as well. I woke up around 7:15, ordered curd, strawberries, mango, and grapes, I had fruit custard in mind.
I quickly took a bath, prayed, and then made a big fat bowl of custard. Finally, after almost a day and a half, I ate something. It felt so good and tasted amazing, haha. I'll make it for you sometime, it's damn good and healthy!
After that, I made a list of things I needed to pack. There were a few things I had to order, like a new pair of underwear, a toothbrush, hand sanitizer, and my first-ever power bank. The one I ordered is the coolest power bank I've ever seen! Had I seen it earlier, I would have ordered it for you instead of that Ambrane one. It's from Portronics and looks like a camera, the lens-like part is actually a wireless charger. It's one of the coolest gadgets. I've seen, haha. I also ordered some real food before leaving, idli vada and some puri sagu. Finally done with packing, I left at 12:30, and my train was scheduled for around 3 p.m. I reached the station an hour early, and others started arriving soon after. There were about 23 of us, and we had three compartments to ourselves. After settling down, we played Uno, it was okay, nothing too exciting. Most of the time, we were just teasing each other during the game. Then, when it was time for food, they had already come prepared with paneer and gobhi parathas. It was alright, but I've had better. I started looking at the stations where the train would halt for a while, hoping to get a chance to smoke. Unfortunately, even during a 20-minute stop, I couldn't, as there were too many CRPF officials around. So I asked an attendant if there was any way I could smoke. At first, he said no, but two minutes later, he told me there was a way, smoking in the train's bathroom. Even though there was a smoke detector, one of them wasn't working in our compartment. It was kind of fun smoking in a no-smoking zone, haha. When everyone went to sleep, Ravi and I couldn't. Ravi is the head of developers, and we ended up talking about my startup ideas. He liked the fitness one but pointed out some shortcomings in the second one, which I completely understood. It really gave me a push to think more and work on the idea.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I had texted Simpl's manager last month regarding something related to their app. I had even designed something for them. Now, he finally replied, apologizing for the late response and asking if I was looking for opportunities. I told him I'm working at CodeChef but would love to work for Simpl. He said, “Awesome,” and mentioned he'd take my application forward by sharing my profile with HR. Because of this, I was lost in thought the whole day. I'll tell you more later…
26 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, do you know what day it is today? It's MahaShivratri, one of the purest nights of all. Before this, I had never kept a fast, but this time, I felt a deep urge to do so. I woke up early, took a bath, and went to Sri Basaveshwara Gayatri Temple near our old flat in HSR. It was a bit crowded, but not too much at that hour in the morning. Still, I thought it would take at least half an hour, which I didn't have. So, I decided to visit another temple near my office during lunch and left. The whole day, I didn't drink anything, let alone eat. Now, you might be wondering why I did this. Well, fasting isn't just an act of devotion to Lord Shiva, it's also about self-discipline, refraining from eating, drinking, smoking, or having any negative thoughts. To be honest, I craved water more than a smoke throughout the day, haha! During lunch, I went to another Shiva temple, but oh boy, there were so many people! The board there mentioned that it would take around two hours to get darshan. Since I didn't have that much time, I returned to the office, deciding to visit after work instead. After finishing work, I came back early, spoke to my parents, and then went to the same temple I had visited in the morning. This time, the crowd was the sum of both my earlier visits combined! It took me over two hours to wait in line and complete my darshan. The temple was beautifully decorated, and children of all age groups were performing Bharatanatyam, they looked absolutely adorable. After completing my darshan, I finally bought a water bottle and took my first sip of the day. Now, I still have the whole night to go since I must stay awake to complete my fast, breaking it only in the morning after taking a bath.
Ok now, let me tell you why we celebrate this day, in case you don't know, even if you do I'd still like to mention. Here it goes…
Sati's love for Shiva was pure, defying even her father's disdain. When Daksha insulted Shiva, she chose to sacrifice herself rather than bear his disrespect. Shiva, overcome with grief, carried her body across the universe, his sorrow shaking creation itself. Her loss changed him, leading to his deep meditation, until love found him again in Parvati, Sati's reincarnation. MahaShivratri marks the night Shiva accepted Parvati, symbolizing love that transcends lifetimes. This tale teaches us that true love isn't about possession but about surrender, trust, and faith. This fast isn't just an act of devotion; it's a reminder of that love, pure, timeless, and divine. And also, I see us as the same as Shiv and Shakti.
25 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up late. I thought my alarm was on, but it wasn't. So, I had to take WFH again.
Remember I told you the company was planning a Goa trip? I just wasn't sure about it. So, Suraj from my company, he's kind of HR, I think, lol, texted me asking about my veg/non-veg and drink preferences. I asked him what it was for, and he said it was to allocate rooms accordingly. I was confused and asked, "What room?" Then he asked if I wasn't aware of the Goa trip. I said no. That's when he told me we're going to Goa on the 27th of this month, and we'll return by the 3rd of March. I was like, lol, I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't asked what it was about. So, we're going to Goa, yay! That's why I thought there might be a chance to get Gigi back if it's possible.
Also, also, I finally got my nose piercing done today, one more bucket list item ticked off! And I got a new earring for my ear as well.
About yesterday, if I said anything that hurt you or upset you, I'm sorry. I was drunk and emotional.
23 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I didn't want to leave Raipur. I didn't want to leave you. Meeting you after so long, after going through so much, felt like finally breathing after drowning. It was like dying every single day just to live one moment with you. But it just wasn't enough. It was everything I had prayed for every single day. Time flew by so fast, I couldn't get enough of you. This morning, I woke up early, thinking about when you'd call me. I even got ready in advance so that whenever you called me for breakfast, I'd be good to go. I tried getting tulips for you. I really wanted to, more than anything. Maybe some other right time, who knows, haha. I will never forget getting you tulips. I was so eagerly waiting for you that I stood outside the door. And when you arrived with all that sexy swag, oof, I was swayed. I didn't mind being your passenger princess, haha. I'd gladly be that forever. Sitting beside you in the car felt like, "Aaj kuch toofani karte hain," haha. And I want that toofani you in my life forever. Having brunch with you, feeding you with my hands, I missed that. I missed making you smile because your smile is what puts one on my face. That's what truly makes me happy. You make me a better man.
And this is for your father, I wanted to touch his feet, but he was on the other side of the table. Please tell him thank you for having me again. Nice place you've got. It will be beautiful once it's completed. Tell him the resort will turn out to be an amazing place. I know you will turn it into something magical, just like how you turned my life into a magical land. Your touch was all it was missing. I am so proud of everything you're doing in life. You inspire me even more now, to do crazy and great things. Please always stay beside me so that I can turn my life around too.
Our OTT hangout reminded me of those times when we'd go out, have a few drinks, sit, chill, talk, and just stare at each other. I know there was a lot you wanted to say but didn't know how. It's okay, I get it. Whatever you did say touched my heart. Just do what you love. Listen to your heart, it's kind and pure. It will take you to all the places you dream of, all the places you desire. Keep going, my love. Keep going no matter what.
Visiting all those places with you in just one day, I didn't expect that. Thank you for giving me these new memories. I will carry them with me forever. The Marine Drive was beautiful, and walking beside you felt like taking a walk on the beach.
Everything you gave me in these two days, all the love, I don't know how to handle it. Even as I write this, I'm crying in the cab, lol. I cried at the airport when I saw you for the last time, not knowing what happens next or when in this life I'll get to see you again. I couldn't even focus on that one touch of your hug because I was too busy giving you the bracelet. I really wanted you to have it.
You asked me a few questions, but the answer to all of them is one: I love you.
I did come for you. I came for love.
p.s. I controlled alot not to call you today.
22 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've told you about my day, but not what happened inside me. Before calling you, my hands were shaking, and my heart was racing at full speed. Hearing your voice say, "Aaja," made me sprint to change my clothes, I've never dressed so fast, haha. I even asked the cab driver to wish me luck, and he did, haha.
The moment I saw you, I wanted to hug you tightly, but I guess you didn't want that… ouch. It took me a while to regain my senses, you completely overwhelmed me. Even though I imagined meeting you every day, nothing compared to seeing you in real life. I wanted to cry and hug you because I had finally met you. There was so much I wanted to say, and I tried, but I guess you didn't want to hear it.
I wanted to tell you that I love you so much and that I've missed you all along. When you asked why I came to Raipur, well, first, because you live here. I would have gone anywhere just to be where you are, no matter what. The second reason was for myself, to feel the happiness of seeing you, even if it was for the last time. I didn't come to make things harder for you. I never wanted you to cry. I just want you to be happy, always. Lol, the first time I met you after so long, and I ended up making you cry, sorry. But I hope you liked everything I gathered for. And if you didn't, well… you're the boss, haha. Tomorrow, I'll leave Raipur. I just wish I had more time with you, to see your face a little longer. Today was both the happiest and saddest day of my life, because I finally saw you, and yet, it might be the last time. This day will always stay with me, my greatest adventure.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, you looked beautiful and hot. Seeing you brought back a flood of memories. You also mentioned changing the website password, don't worry, I'll stop posting if it bothers you that much. But I will never stop writing. Maybe this time, I'll start a real journal.
Tomorrow is my last day with you, and probably my last blog as well. It hurts, a lot but there's nothing I can do. I can't change your mind or heart. And if there's anything in the world to change your mind I'll take it. But you, without a doubt, have changed a lot in me. You've given me real strength. So, I'll try to be happy. And for that, I will always cherish you :)
I had something written down that I was supposed to put in the card. It's not complete, but maybe some things are better left unsaid. Anyway, here it is:
Beloved Jaan,
Lol, I've never given you a card before. So here's my first one.
It's been a while, months since I've talked to you or seen your face. But you've always been with me, in my heart. I wanted to text or call every day, but I never had the strength. So, I dedicated myself to what you told me. No teacher, no friend, not even my parents have taught me as much as you have. You helped me get through the bad times. You inspired me every day. And I loved you every day. Because of you, I've become someone. And I want to become even more. I never want to stop working on myself. I never want to stop learning. I never want to give up. I never want to let myself down.
I don't know what the future holds, but I really wish it holds my hand in yours for a lifetime. I don't know if you still have any love for me, but I hope there's some left…
21 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, It was just a fine day. I had slept around 2 AM and still woke up on time for work. Office was okay as well, but I had quite a few tasks to complete before my flight, a flight to somewhere. So, I left early to pick up a fresh pair of my favorite shoes.
SuperKicks was 1.2 km from my office, so I walked there. I got my shoes because, even though I had ordered them online, the delivery was scheduled for later. After shopping, the shoes were packed in a tote bag, my first tote bag, lol.
I got back home, took a bath, and ate Subway. Then I called Sachin. He came over, and we went to get my clothes ironed. After that, we returned and ordered some food. It took forever to arrive, by the time it did, it was around 11 PM, and we had Pepsi’s party to attend as well. When we got there, there were about 25 people crammed into a tiny 1BHK, total hotbox, lol. We drank and talked. I got back home around 4 AM, knowing I had an early morning flight. I set an alarm for 5 AM. Next thing I knew, I woke up around 6:30 AM, on the toilet seat, peeing. And I was like, "Fuck..." Realizing there was no way I was catching my flight, I quickly booked another one. But that meant I'd only reach Raipur around 7:30 PM.
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm sorry, it's my first time missing a flight, lol.
20 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up around 8:15 AM, half an hour before my alarm. I'm not sure if you might have heard anything from Ria by now. Please bless me with your presence, it would mean a lot to me. I hope you understand and forgive me, Gigi's mother.
After talking to Ria, I've been feeling a bit low. I didn't eat anything the whole day; my hunger just disappeared. To get through the day, I only had coconut water and black coffee. I came home early and spoke to a graphic designer, coincidentally his name is also Himanshu, lol. He is the son of a session court judge. The judge asked my father to consult me on how I could guide Himanshu. My father forwarded his resume to me, and I told him to ask Himanshu to call me. Since I didn't call him yesterday as I told I'll do later. So, I decided to call him today. I gave him a harsh reality check about his resume and designs. I also told him how much he needs to work hard and how to dream big, because when you prepare for something great, you at least achieve something good, something worthwhile. He thanked me and said no one had ever told him the things I did. Later, I called my mum, even though I wasn't really having any energy. I was trying to get into workout mode while sipping coffee. Despite not eating anything the whole day, I still went to the gym. After my workout, we met Pepsi and Peeragadi, they're a couple. It's Pepsi's birthday tomorrow, so we're going to have a party. Unfortunately, I don't have much time, iykyk. Oh Gigi's mother "bahut kuch batyaana hai tumse re"…
19 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother! So, Abhay went to the UAE early this morning for 10 days. I woke up around 5ish to say goodbye and close the door behind him. Then I went back to sleep and woke up again around 9. And on top of everything, getting a cab, dealing with traffic, my God! It was okay at the office; did some work. Came home, it was a mess, so I cleaned up, drank coffee, took my pre-workout, and went to the gym. I called Sachin to join me at the gym. He picked me up, we worked out together, and then went to Coffee Makers. Aryan joined us too, he's from around here. His girlfriend, who's studying at NIFT, is from Haryana (she's a Jaat), and his best friend is a Mallu, lol. Not knowing what to eat, we went to Aryan's place. His girlfriend and her two friends were already there. We sat around till about midnight. Then I told Sachin I'd make an omelet at home. We came back, but instead of cooking, we ordered paneer paratha. Since then, we've been watching The Night Manager, and now it's 4 AM, lol. I wanna sleep, but Sachin is completely hooked on the series, I regret making him watch it now, lol. Anyway, good night, love. Oh, and I finally ordered those Onitsuka Tiger shoes, yay, finally!
18 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I took WFH today. Abhay is going to the UAE for 10 days, so he wanted to go shopping. I told the office I wasn’t feeling well, lol. All I did was a design handoff to the developers. Then I went to the gym at Cult with Abhay. Later, we got Sachin to join us for shopping. Sachin is another friend from Haryana, so all our friends are from there, which really connects us. I got to know them through Abhay, and now we're good, hanging out every day. We went to Forum Mall because I also wanted to buy those shoes I keep postponing, which I urgently need, but I couldn't find them there as well. They did some shopping, though. After that, we went to Coffee Makers, where we usually hang out. Then we came back, and I helped Abhay pack. Also, I come bearing good news, I've finalized a place, and it's none other than Abhay's flat! It's a 3BHK, beautiful, within my budget, and comes with two cats! His flatmate is moving out, so it worked out perfectly. We're planning to get a PS5, paintings, and other things for the flat. His second flatmate just moved in two days ago, he's the Director of Learning at GeeksforGeeks, which is a big position. Interestingly, his company is a competitor of mine. I feel like my friend circle has improved, everyone is in great positions. One is a Marketing Manager, another is a developer, another is a college student working on his startup, and Abhay is the Head of Sales at Crib. Another friend is also in a good position. In fact, Abhay knows a lot of startup CEOs and has helped me a lot, not everyone does that!
17 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I feel like I'm going to catch a cold. It seems to be heading that way. Yesterday, I had a lemon soda, it was cold but not too chilly. I also ate pav bhaji, which upset my stomach. See, that's why I don't like eating junk food anymore.
I was bored at the office today, but before leaving, I played foosball with my colleagues since they asked me to. It was my first time playing, but unfortunately, I strained my palm and ankle. After coming home, I did some room cleaning. I also made some plans, I'll tell you about them later. Lol. I'm still searching for a place; hopefully, I'll find one by the end of the week.
16 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you, my love? How are you doing? Oh dear, ojkabfkigf.
I woke up early because the new tenant of the room I'm staying in (Abhay's place) was supposed to move in but he came late so I did some work. Later Abhay, me and his date made dal, roti, and raita. I made the rotis, and Abhay's date made the dal. Others joined in eventually. It was a good brunch, haha. Then we chilled for a while. You know, even though I have friends around, inside, it's just silence. I don't know, Gigi's mother, but ever since I came back to India and then to Bangalore, I've been terrified of losing you even more. I'm trying, but please help me, help me save the greatest love story of this era. I have tried, I am trying, and I will keep trying. I want to be that lucky guy who weds you and takes care of you forever.
You know, I'm always third-wheeling couples, haha. Later, we went out to hang out at Chaitini. We had coffee and ate something. Actually, our plan was to go bowling, but these lazy asses were too lazy.
one of them :)
6 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you, love? How's everything at home? How are your parents? Bhailog? I hope you’re all doing well, especially you. I... want to tell you so many things, yet I can't. But just know, it's all good things. Time is passing so fast-what it was one day, what it is today, and what it will be tomorrow.
I went to meet Vipul to bid him farewell, my best pal. I've ticked two things off my bucket list. I feel good about it, but at the same time, it makes me emotional because they meant so much to me. I know what it was all along. I had to cancel the Nykaa order as well because it was getting delayed, and I couldn't wait around all day for it to arrive. Prisha gave me a small doll figure to keep with me always, haha. She kept giving me so many things-whatever she could find at home. She really loves me a lot, and I love her too. She cares for me so much, pampers me a lot. She's really my mumma and I her baby, that's what we call each other. But wait she recently had learned that slang "bro" word as well,lol.
What will I do without her? What will I do without you? Why do the people we truly love leave us, Gigi's mother?
5 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I don't know how to put this, but I feel nervous and excited at the same time. Well, I can't tell you right now what exactly it is, but it made my mum and Prisha cry. Even I feel a bit emotional, not gonna lie. By the way, my parents came back this morning from their Kumbha trip and other adventures. Prisha also joined us later in the evening. I had promised her last time that I'd order fries from McDonald's for her, but instead, she made me order white sauce pasta. Clever kid, haha. Now we're about to watch The Simpsons. Believe me, that show is just hilarious. Also, I returned the shoes because they turned out to be a different model, which I didn't notice carefully. I mean, they looked exactly like the ones I've always worn, but they were different. So, I had to order from Nykaa this time. Oh, and I added 5-6 more songs to the playlist, which I forgot to give an honorary mention to, haha, so suit yourself! I also had that “funny” business meeting today. It sure didn't turn out to be that funny in the end.
Anyway, Gigi's mother, pray for me. May the things I'm heading toward lead me to the place I've always wanted to be.
4 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Finally, I got some good sleep. I woke up around 11-ish and still wanted to sleep more, felt lazy the entire day. Well, I made up for three sleepless nights in one go, haha. I drank quite a lot last night too. You know, my new shoes came in today. Not the Onitsuka Tiger ones-there's still some time for those, but yeah, they'll arrive soon, probably within a month. These ones, well, you know me very well. Guess which ones I love? Haha, keep guessing, you'll probably get it right on the first try! Also, I've been listening to Mac Miller a lot lately, so I thought I'd make a playlist for you in case you want to check out this gem of an artist. He's really good! Maybe my third favorite-Kanye will always be at the top for me, followed by Fred Again. I'll actually make you a mixtape! I keep exploring new music, and you're the only person I truly love listening to music with and sharing. For now, here's my Mac Miller playlist. Actually, it should be called Mac Killer, haha. (P.S. I did name it Mac Killer.) My favorites from it are Hand Me Downs and Circles. Just love them. One day, Gigi's mother, maybe we'll sit or lie down together and listen to all the music we have to share and just cherish those moments.
Here's the playlist I made - Mac Killer
3 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, Okay, so I didn't sleep last night. But wait, before I go there, I have a confession to make, and it's only to you, no one else knows about this. Last night, I ordered food from a restaurant. Please forgive me. I know I said nothing from outside, but my mum wasn't here… though that's not really an excuse. In my defense, I hadn't eaten anything since morning, and I only ordered a roti and sabzi at night. Plus, I worked my ass off until 7 AM, literally, I didn't sleep the whole night. I was working on the project. It's been 2-3 days now since I've had proper sleep or any sleep, for that matter. I finished my work at 7 AM today and got an hour or so of sleep before the housemaid came and my mum called. After that, I just couldn't sleep. At least I got all my work done. Later this evening, I went to my friend's reception, met some old school friends, and drank with them. It was a reunion I didn't want but turned out to be pretty okay, lol.
You know, Gigi's mother, it would be a lie if I said I didn't shed a tear or two in your memory past days. It's been a long time since I did, because I've always been in control. But lately, you've taken over me. You win, yaar. Now come back, na.
2 February 2025
Oh Gigi's mother, I feel so tired and a bit irritated, probably due to very little sleep and too much booze yesterday.
So, yesterday my sister was out with her friends, and she kept insisting that I join them once I was done with the wedding. But by the time I got there, they had all fallen asleep at her friend's flat. So, I came back home and slept.
This morning, my sister came by and told me to come along as she was heading back to her friend's flat. I said no because I had work to do. But after leaving home, she insisted so much, saying, "Deep is going back home, come meet him!" Deep used to study with my sister in college, so we were friends as well. Well, then I took a quick bath, packed my stuff, and went. As soon as I reached, I just started working while they planned to go to Leopard's Trail and horse riding. I didn’t want to go but had no choice. We had a convoy of three Thars and one Jaguar, haha. When we reached, they went horse riding while I tried my best to work. After that, we went on the Leopard's Trail - a nice place with a long, curvy road surrounded by small hills. Then we sat at a really nice open-roof cafe with a great view. It reminded me of that time in Goa when you, me, Varun, and Sona were sitting near the sea before we boarded the bus. What a lovely evening it was, you beside me, the sea, good friends, good food, and some booze. And now, after coming home, I've been working, and I feel like crying because I miss you so much, re.
1 February 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother just came back from the wedding. I'm so sleepy; my eyes hurt. I didn't sleep last night either because I was working on the project. And even now, I don't think I'll get much sleep since I still need to work on it. We drank the whole way to Karnal, where the wedding was. The trip took around four hours, lol. I don't even remember how much I drank today. We danced a lot, actually, more than a lot. I was starving and had wedding food, but just roti and sabzi, I promise, nothing else. The best part was the trip, though, old school friends, after so long. Oh, Gigi's mother, I miss you so much. Seeing my friend get married today made me want to marry you so badly. Marry me, please. I'll take care of you my whole life, never leave your side, and always keep you safe and happy. You make me happy, and you deserve everything. I love you sooo much. ❤︎
31 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, How are you, love? How's everything going? I hope you're doing well.
You know, today has been good, it's been kind to me. But I still have a lot of work to finish, and it'll probably cost me tonight's sleep. Tomorrow, I have to attend my friend's wedding. I'm going to party and dance in his baraat. Vipul, I, and two other old school friends are going. Also, my parents are going to Prayagraj for Kumbh and some other places; they'll be back in about three days.
Oh, and one important thing I forgot to tell you, I woke up this morning and saw that my website was featured on the Wall of Portfolios! Damn, it feels like an achievement. But that's not the only highlight of my day, well, this one's for later, for next time.
Anyway, good night! See you later. :)
30 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, you won't believe who I met today! Even I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that person. So, I was at the gym, busy with my workout, when a guy entered the basement. I had just finished a set, and as I stood up, I realized he looked like Gaurav Taneja (Flying Beast—the influencer). It took me a moment to confirm, so I asked the trainer if it was really him. Since he was working out just like any other regular person, I wasn't sure at first. And he said yes, he came for the gym promotion, and he often visits as well. Next, I went up to him and called out, "Gaurav sir!" But he had AirPods on, so he didn't hear me. Then I just gave him a look, haha, and he bro-fisted me. I asked how he was, told him I had seen his Shark Tank pitch, and mentioned that I had watched a few of his YouTube videos. I told him they were inspiring and all that. Then, another person approached him for a selfie. After they took their photo, I thought, Usually, I don't bother taking pictures because I don't want to intrude, but this time, I'll make an exception to show Prisha and you. So yeah, we took a photo, lol. When I got home and showed it to Prisha, she was so excited! Of course, she knew him from YouTube.
Also, you won't believe this, there's a guy at my gym who looks exactly like your father. No kidding! He even wears a cap and has a similar body structure. At one point, I actually thought, What's Uncle doing here? Haha.
And about yesterday, remember how I told you I wished I could come home, you'd hug me, and we'd watch something together? Well, the other love of my life, Prisha, surprised me, and I had to watch Moana 2 with her. But then, she got bored, ditched me, and went to sleep.
29 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, the meeting I was talking about yesterday kept me on my toes the whole day, even before it actually took place. I don't think I've ever stressed this much over a meeting, it must have meant a lot to me. And when it finally happened, you won't believe it, everyone suddenly decided to bother me at that exact moment! My mom, my dad, my sister, and even a relative, haha. The only time I'm not available, that's when everyone seems to need me. It really bugged me, though.
Now, I have a headache and a backache. It's one of those days where I just wish I could come home to you, find you waiting for me, and you'd hug me and kiss me, just like you did when we were living together. Then we'd cuddle and watch a good romantic movie. I'd watch anything you want, anything at all. I won't throw any tantrums, I promise, just watch something with me, please, even just once.
You know, I was watching something earlier and heard this song again, How Can You Mend a Broken Heart by Al Green. It brought tears to my eyes. This song is very dear to me, and I bet if you listen to it, it might bring a tear or two to yours as well. So if you decide to listen, well, do it at your own risk. But don't say I didn't warn you. I just wanna say I love you mahn, I miss you every single moment of my life.
28 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, the day started off okay. I had one call in the morning, and later in the evening, I got another call. That evening call kind of intimidated me, and now I'm nervous about tomorrow's call, which is the most important one. Today's call made it clear that there's a lot of work to do before tomorrow's, but I’m just not in the right frame of mind at the moment. I feel a bit restless.
I think I'll sleep early tonight and wake up around 1 or 2 a.m. With a fresh mind, I should be able to get some good work done. This week is packed with meetings and other related work, and you know the struggle is a hundred times harder without you. Gigi's mother, having you by my side would make everything so much easier. Honestly, 99% of my life's problems would be solved just by you being here with me.
Pray for me, will you? Pray that I get what I desire the most, haha, you know what I'm talking about. You do, yes, you.
27 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been having two kinds of dreams lately. Weird and beautiful ones. So first one there's this large open area near my old house, and my whole family was there. We got news that Godzilla and Mechagodzilla would be fighting in that area, and there was a good chance our house could end up in the line of collateral damage. I was explaining to my family that I had a shelter prepared away from there, but no, they were more interested in watching the fight. And honestly, it was a sight to see, lol. The other dreams are about you. Almost every now and then, you come into my dreams, and we kiss and every single time, it feels just like our first kiss. It blows me away. I feel like melting into you. These dreams wake me up around 4 a.m., and falling back to sleep isn't easy. They keep rewinding in my head, over and over again.
The other day, I was scrolling through Pinterest for work inspiration, and I came across something. Does it remind you of anything? It looks so much like your first flat, where we used to live together. Oh, those were the most beautiful and happiest days of my life. Sleeping by your side every day felt like we had fused into one being. So many memories, Gigi's mother, so many, in such a short time. Woman, I don't know anything else in this world that can make me happy except you. You are my reminder that I can be the happiest.
26 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, did you watch Coldplay's concert? Oh my goodness, let me tell you, it was such a lovely concert! It was so good that it actually made me a bit emotional, no kidding. I missed you so much; blame his voice, the lyrics, and the music for that. He even called a couple on stage to sing along. Oh, Gigi's mother, can't we be that couple? Please, let's attend concerts together, love each other, and cherish those moments. I'm telling you, any concert with you would be heavenly. I watched the entire concert till the end, and he wrapped it up beautifully with "A Sky Full of Stars." He sang so many nostalgic songs. My favourite Coldplay song is Magic. What's yours? Ahh… I love you so much, Gigi's mother.
By the way, tomorrow is my friend's Haldi, but I don't think I can make it because I have an important meeting, the same funny business I was telling you about. But, Gigi's mother, I see people around me getting married or spending time with their partners, and it really hurts. It hurts so much that the person I love feels so far away from me :,(
25 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother had another good day, and that too, on a Saturday, haha. I got some good work done today. It feels like I've turned into a design doctor, lol. I also had a great workout and a delicious lunch. You know, whenever Prisha visits on weekends, my mum prepares all her favourite dishes, so we get treated as well.
I also picked up a book from my sister's shelf, The World's Greatest Speeches. It's quite serious, haha, but it's a great read to get inspired by some of the greatest orators who ever lived. The book shares so much about the world, its people, and different cultures.
You won't believe what just happened! Our Wi-Fi went down for no apparent reason, and now everyone's stranded on their phones. My mother took her phone from Prisha and so Prisha started whispering Adele's song, "Send My Love," from the next room to irritate my mother. I was like, this kid is way ahead of her time, haha. So I called her into my room, and we ended up singing along to Adele together.
Lastly, tomorrow is Coldplay's live show telecast on Disney+ Hotstar. Hope you'll attend it, because I'll be there as well, haha. So… I'll see you under a sky full of stars!
24 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I had a good day today after so long. And by a good day, I mean a very productive one, lol. You know, something interesting happened today, it's funny as well. I'll tell you all about it once it goes through. It's worth sharing. I had a great dinner too. No, not from outside, haha. You know I don't eat anything from outside. The guilt that comes after eating outside food isn't worth it. But sometimes, I feel like having a McAloo Tikki, my favourite. I miss how much we used to eat it together, we used to just hog on McDonald's. Ordering food for you gave me more joy than eating it myself. I miss ordering good food for you because you can't deny my choices were really good. I got that idea from you, lol. Whenever you used to get mad at me, I'd just order good food, and you'd be alright. I wish ordering good food could sort things out now. If only it were that easy.
23 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you? Are you okay? I worry about you, not exactly worry, I should say, but I wonder if you're doing good. I hope you are, because I really care.
I saw a cat today, and it reminded me of our Gigi. Oh, Gigi, such a pain in the ass, haha, but ours. Do you know what a great family looks like? You, me, and Gigi. I love you both so much. I say it almost every day, but I don't think it makes much of a difference to you anymore. But it does to me. I have, do, and will always love you because you are someone who has done so much for me. You've changed me a lot. You've made me who I am today. You brought out the best in me. You helped me see myself. I wish I could get the chance to do the same for you. No, seriously, Gigi's mother, I really want to do everything in my power to bring out the best in you. I hope you believe that. I hope you still believe in us, like I do. You may or may not be reading this, but I hope deep down you believe that one day I will make all the miracles we believed in happen. There are so many days when I feel down, wishing I could just turn to you, talk about it, and feel better. It's not that you're not there, you are, even when you're not physically present. You're always within me. That's enough to survive those moments. No one has mattered to me as much as you do. No one has made me feel alive the way you have. That's why I choose you, over and over. You may believe it or not, but my belief in us hasn't wavered since the day I first felt for you. I hope you still have some belief left in us.
Also there's this song I've been listening to lately it's called- blue by Yung kai, it's a nice one, listen to it. I love you, everyday a little more ❤︎
22 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, ajji sunti ho kya? sun rhi ho kya? I love you so much, haha. Sorry, I'm a bit tipsy today, I won't lie to you. I would never lie to you. I miss you, like, a lot. Everything reminds me of you. I try hard to tame my feelings for you, but I never can, they run wild within me. I'm not myself anymore; I feel like I'm just you. You know there's a line by Shri Lata Ji: "Kal kya pata unke liye aankhein taras jayengi", Madam, forget my eyes; I've been yearning for you entirely, haha. Have you seen the movie John Carter? In it, John searches for a medallion to go back to his queen on Mars, and it takes him years to find it. But once he does, all it takes is a phrase, "Ock ohem ocktei wies Barsoom", to teleport him back to her. It feels the same for me. I long to return to my queen, to you. Only, there are other things I need to do before I can even say those words, lol. I wish you could understand me, see me, listen to me, even just once. If only, for once, you could say,“I love you, Himanshu,” or even call me jaan.
I don't think I can ever be the same joyous person I was when I was with you. I mean, I get it, I made mistakes. I was stupid. But I was feeling something I had never felt before, something I loved within myself, something I was proud of. Gigi's mother, you are my pride.
Okay, I'll stop now, otherwise, I won't, and this will never end. What won't end? Well, the love and everything I feel for you.
21 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, my girl in red, remember this song? Just so you know, this is the fourth song here. I heard it somewhere, though I can't recall exactly where, but what I did remember while listening to it was you. I remember when you posted that boomerang where you had colored your hair red and used this song. You meant it for me, and I was so stupid to realize the meaning later when you pointed it out. Lol.
I miss those small things you did for me. That boomerang was so beautiful, you with your red hair, looking so elated. I love it when you're that happy. All I want to do is just keep looking at you, wishing time would stop. Do you still color your hair? What color is it now? You really are the Clementine to my Joel. I wish I could see you smile at me, even just once. For once, I'd truly feel alive.
Anyway, I met Akmal on Google Meet today. Remember him? My university friend, the senior graphic designer who wanted me to design his portfolio website? We discussed how he wants it done, and it was really nice talking to him after so long.
20 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've got my half shit together, haha. Well, it's something, I'd say! So, I wanted to learn a bit about product management, and I started an online course on it. Plus, I got back to my Japanese lessons, but unfortunately, all my progress wasn't saved. I don't know why, so I had to start all over again. Getting back to it was easier than I thought, I definitely remembered a lot of words! If we ever go to a Japanese restaurant, I'll order in Japanese, haha. The first chapter is all about food, so that worked out well, lol.
I'm down to the last two books I have left to read, so I need to order more. Do you read much? Any suggestions? It's been ages since I've read any fiction, it's all nonfiction for me lately. Even my sister's bookshelf has a lot of good books, mostly about India and politics, I think I might borrow some from her.
Oh, and did you know Amazon Prime has something similar to Love, Death + Robots? It's called Secret Level. I watched two episodes, they're about 10–15 minutes each, with different stories and high-level graphics/visuals. It reminded me of how you got me to watch Love, Death + Robots. I still think of those times when we watched it in the dark room of your old flat. I miss it. To all the places we've lived together and called home, you are my home, my love ❤︎
19 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I held a paintbrush after so long. Prisha and I were sunbathing on our terrace, and she brought over her homework. It was something related to a trip to the moon, printed pages meant to be filled with colors. I took one sheet and started painting. It felt good, lol. Then I had this idea of you and me painting each other as a fun couple's activity. I wish we get a chance to do such fun things together.
Also, my mum made pizza-paratha, lol. It wasn't bad, it actually had some taste, though I'm still not sure what, haha.
Lastly, I've made some decisions to turn my life around starting tomorrow. I'm going to be harder on myself because I think I've been too careless for a while. No more wasting time!
18 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been busy today with a small project I took on. It's a very interesting topic, and I'll show it to you once it's done. Later this evening, I thought of asking that friend I made at Anthony's concert. I texted him, and he even invited me, but he and his friends were heading to Delhi Socials. I declined because I can't stay over or come back late, lol.
17 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm kind of done with myself, again. I'm just tired of it all. So, I tried designing something cool that would help me explore better visuals. The goal is to attract more attention, especially from people seeking striking visual work, companies that value strong visual understanding. So instead of sitting around doing nothing, I'm finally getting my life together. After all, it takes nothing to achieve nothing, but it takes everything to achieve something truly worth having and fighting for.
16 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you, my love? I miss you so much. My heart is all yours, I'm all yours. You know, I went to Vipul's today to escape the everyday stress. We played badminton again. He told me one of our friends is getting married this February. He came back from Canada just to get married, lol.
People are getting married... so when are we? Gigi's mother, I can't imagine marrying anyone else but you. You are my woman, yes, you are. You may deny it, but you are. Just see it, please.
Anyway, I came back and wanted something to drink, something strong for my mind and heart. So, I went out, got a quarter of Bacardi white rum, mixed it in my water bottle, and drank it all. This is the only time I listen to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab's ghazals. Ah, his ghazals are love. You are love, my love. I love you so much. Come back, eh?
15 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I couldn’t sleep last night. Thoughts of you kept me awake the entire time. It feels like it’s been so long, and I just want to see you so badly. I hope that day comes soon—very soon.
I had a meeting with the VP of the company. He seemed completely disinterested and was even five minutes late. I made some changes to the website. Previously, I hadn’t mentioned the success metrics of Crib, which are very important to highlight, so I added them. I also included the achievements the app has received.
These days, I’m not entirely sure how I feel, but one thing is certain—without you, I’m not truly happy.
14 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been both busy and lazy, lol. I had a few calls to attend to and have several more lined up for tomorrow and possibly the entire week. Interestingly, tomorrow's call is with the same people who once rejected me, haha. It feels good when people come back after rejecting me initially, they eventually recognize my potential. It makes me believe in myself even more. But somehow, I felt a bit sad because I missed you more than usual today. It's like dying a little every day just to live for that one day when I can see you. Just a glimpse of you, sharing the same space with you even for a moment, means everything to me. I really love you, Gigi's mother, and I’m sorry for everything.
13 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, happy Lohri, my love! Lohri has one important significance beyond harvesting, it's about new beginnings. I wish for good things to come your way and for you to always feel loved (which you already are, lol).
By the way, I've updated and posted my newly redesigned website on LinkedIn. One of my university friends, Akmal, texted me saying he loved it and wants me to design his portfolio too. Imagine this: he's a lead graphic designer at a Manchester design agency, and he wants me to design his portfolio, lol! And guess what? He's ready to pay as well.
Another piece of good news, remember how a company let me down a few days ago? Well, they emailed me saying they want to arrange a meeting with their VP and me, lol. What's up with them?
Anyway, the main reason I redesigned my website was to get your attention. I was hoping that when I posted about it on LinkedIn, you might notice and open Gigi for once. But nothing happened. Well, it's okay, it's not the end of the world and definitely not the end of my love for you or us. I love you every day.
12 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's Sunday, and I don't like Sundays at all. They have such lazy vibes, haha. Do you also feel lazy on Sundays? I want to get more done, but it just doesn't happen. My Sundays are the least productive.
Today, I met Shubham after so long. He picked me up, and we didn't do anything special, lol. We just shared our own stories of heartbreak. Do you remember I told you about Shubham's case when you left me? Yeah, the guy whose girlfriend got hitched with someone else, turns out she broke it off, and now Shubham's back with her. I mean, they never stopped talking at all. Lucky bastard. Not everyone gets that lucky!
11 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you? How's everything at home? How's the brand coming along? Have you finalized anything yet? Oh, come on, where are you? Please talk to me; I'm not that bad. I've loved you all along, man. I miss you a lot. I don't know if you feel the same. You know, I was watching this show called Evil, and I Shazamed a nice song. It's called
"Uh-Huh." I couldn't find it on Apple Music but found it on YouTube. It makes me imagine dancing with you with the same passion we used to share. I miss it all. I wish I could do all those things again that we used to do and love so much.
10 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't take my mind off you, constantly thinking about you. It was crazy. I need you so badly, just as any human needs air to breathe. I feel lost, far away from who I was over the past few months. This whole week has been very bad for me. I even caught a cold again. I feel so weak and couldn’t go to the gym either.
But on the bright side, I finally finished redesigning my website. I think it turned out pretty nice compared to what it was earlier. I also optimized a few things layout-wise. What do you think of it?
9 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been busy with the website and didn't do much else today. Oh yes, I met Vipul today. I wanted to clear my mind a bit from all the stress this week has been causing me. It hasn't been a great start to the year. How’s yours going so far?"
8 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I can't take it anymore. I don't know what is happening in my life. It's like I'm losing control of my life. I can't talk much, sorry.
7 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been so disappointing. Remember I told you that everything went well with the call? In fact, I was quite sure I would get it since I completed all the rounds with them. But unfortunately, they denied me. After everything I’ve done and after being patient this whole time, this is what they said. I can’t believe it—it hurts so much. Every time I think I’m this close to something good, it turns out to be far away from reality.
6 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I had a dream about you again today. It was so beautiful, and the best part was what you said. You came to me, or somehow we met. I mentioned the page where I write to you every day, and you told me that you know and have also been writing to me every day. I was on my knees, crying. It truly made my entire day. I wish such dreams would come true.
5 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been good because I worked on my website redesign. Fun fact: I didn't end up using the font I told you I would, even though I bought Adobe Fonts for it, lol. Hopefully, it will be ready within this week. Anyway, what's up with you? How's Gigi? Are you still in contact with him? Do you get to see him? Don't worry—one day, one day...
3 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I finished my first book of the year, yay! 23 more to go! I need new books now. I already have my list, so I'll start shopping soon. Also, I had an idea to write an article about how boredom can be good for you. Isn't that fascinating? I'm trying to do better things for myself so I can feel good, stay productive, and somehow improve.
Lol, ever since the New Year, I feel so cold—all I want to do is snuggle under my blanket. But sometimes, I step out for a sunbath to warm up. How are you, anyway? How's the New Year treating you so far? I hope it's going well and keeping you happy.
2 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've decided that this year I'll read more books than I did last year—maybe even 10 times as many, haha. If I read about 8 books last year, which I started halfway through the year, then I should target at least 24 books this year. I know it's not as high a number as it could be, but it's a start.
Also, I had the final round with a company. It went okay, I guess. I did a good job in all the other rounds, so fingers crossed—let's see what comes of it.
With each passing day, I miss you even more. Every single day, I feel like a part of me dies inside just to catch a glimpse of you. To see you is my liberation from this pain, this void, this emptiness. Please, come just once...
1 January 2025
Oh, Gigi's mother, a very Happy New Year to you, my love!
I wish this year and the years to come bring you success, strength, love, and happiness for you and your loved ones. May you achieve all that you desire, and may all your wishes come true. I pray that God protects you from all negativity and fills your life with positive energy and vibrance. Last year was hard for both of us, but I hope this year brings something good for us, a miracle that allows us to find love in each other once again. With that, I want to say, though there are a thousand things I could express, today, I'll take a moment to say:
I love you, Gigi's mother. forever ❤︎
31 December 2024
Oh Gigi's mother, I had a beautiful dream today. You came back into my life. You threw some tantrums at first, but you did come back to me. What a dream to end this year! I wish it comes true.
But when I woke up, my mother gave me some sad news: my father's close friend passed away this morning. He was a good person and passed away peacefully in his sleep. It's very unfortunate for the family to face such news just a day before the New Year.
Anyway, I'm going out with my friends today to celebrate the New Year and will return tomorrow. I'll tell you all about it then. Good night, see you next year! Haha.
30 December 2024
Oh Gigi's mother, It's been four months now, me writing on these walls, hoping that one day, just one day, you'd come and see me, ask me how I've been, and tell me how much you missed me. But nothing yet. Even though it hurts, this hope is the one thing that keeps me going. I can't let go; I just can't, it's too much.
Anyway, tomorrow is the last day of this year. I don't have any particular resolutions, just the desire to make myself better every day. What's yours?
Also, my friends have planned a small party. They've even booked a hotel and a nice place to go out and celebrate. It's going to be crazy!
29 December 2024
Oh Gigi's mother, I haven't slept at all the whole night. I was so obsessed with completing the assignment that I finally finished it by 9:30 in the morning. It turned out pretty good,I like the way I designed it. After finishing my work, I went to bed thinking I'd wake up at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, but to my disappointment, I woke up within just an hour. Since then, I haven't been feeling great.I’m not sure if it's because I didn't get enough sleep or if I'm just genuinely unwell. My parents went to Delhi with Prisha today to do some shopping. I thought about getting a bottle of good rum or whiskey because my eyes were hurting, and I couldn't fall back asleep. But I didn't, and I ended up spending the entire day debating whether or not I should get a bottle, lol.
There's this song {Me(heavy)} by Fred Again that I've been listening to, and the lyrics perfectly capture how I feel.
But I don't want you to see this face
It's time to be brave (I've been standing here)
So I pray for the same thing each evenin'
My baby's healin'
I found you exploding
I found you beautiful
I don't know a thing that could feel more heavy
Babe, I'm ready
Do you feel like talkin'?
I feel like bein' open
I feel my thoughts run around each evening
But I'm glad I'm feelin'
I wanna run in there and steal you out
Unplug the wires and kiss your mouth
You don't need another whiteboard evening
But I need you breathin'
Before my needs, oh
She's all I need
It won't be long
And I know you're holding on
I'm so tired of being strong
I miss you so much, oh Gigi's mother ❤︎
28 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother! I'm busy today; I have to submit the assignment tomorrow morning, so I'll be working my ass off all night. I only managed to do three leg exercises during my workout today, but at least I went, so that's good. By the way, Anthony is performing tomorrow at Koramangala Socials in Bangalore. If you're reading this, you should definitely go—it's worth your time. I would have asked Fedbo to put your name on the guest list, but maybe some other time, I'll get you on the guest list for a great artist, haha. Well, good night! Talk to you tomorrow.
27 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother! Today's weather was so good, but it rained the whole day—like, seriously, all day. Still, it's so warm for me. I don't understand why people everywhere are wearing caps and jackets. Here I am, just in my T-shirt. My mother gives me a hoodie to wear when I go to the gym, but I always take it off as soon as I get there. Now, after the gym, it feels even warmer to me. And when I ask my father why he's wearing so many layers, he says, "Go back, Simon! I mean, go back to the UK if you're feeling so warm," lol.
Anyway, I have some super important work to finish that’s due the day after tomorrow, so I'll get back to it. Good night, love.
26 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother! So, how was your Christmas? What did Santa give you? Haha. You know, when I was a child, my parents used to fool me and my sister by saying that Santa came and brought the chocolates my mother gave us on Christmas morning, lol. We were so naive that we actually believed it! I guess everyone's parents do that. Did yours do something similar when you were a kid?
Also, I was watching a recipe for making pancakes. It seems easy, so I'm going to try my hand at it. I also have a list of a couple of other fancy dishes I want to learn to make. Hopefully, I can make them delicious enough so that I can treat you to some amazing food one day—if I get lucky enough!
25 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, my love—Merry Christmas and always stay happy. Did I ever tell you how much Christmas excites me? I mean, even though it’s not as grand a festival as Diwali, I’ve always liked the vibe of Christmas. It’s so merry, haha. Maybe it’s because it brings people together; it just makes me feel good and happy somehow.
So, for that, I went to my pal's place, had a few sips, came back, and went to the gym. Now I just wanted a bit more—it’s Christmas, duh, haha! On my way back, I got a quarter, mixed it in a water bottle, and here I am. You know, there’s a lot—a lot—I want to say to you, and I thought I’d say it today. But now I realize that even if I tried, there wouldn’t be an end to it because it’s just so much, eh? So, I’ll keep it short.
Oh, Gigi’s mother, the love of my life, I love you so much that I can’t even put it into words. I tried so hard not to call or text you today. I didn’t want to bring you down on such a joyous occasion. But even though I’m trying hard to be strong, somewhere deep down, I feel weak because you’re not around. You are my real strength. Woman, you are the one with whom I see the rest of my grand life.
24 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, where are you? I miss you so much. Can I ask you something? Do you ever think about calling me? Even just sending a text to ask how I’m doing? Believe me, there are so many times a day I think of texting you, but I don’t because I know you don’t want me to. I’m sorry I could never stop loving you—and probably never will. It may sound however it sounds, but this is the truth: it’s hard to let go of you because I still believe we are meant for each other. Anyway, it’s Christmas Eve, so I’ll wish you tomorrow, haha.
23 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been wanting to redesign my website, and for that, I was looking for some good fonts. I came across this striking font, but unfortunately, it's a paid one. The license for the entire font family costs around $400—lol, obviously, I'm not paying that much for a font family!So, I tried finding a way to get my hands on that particular font. After searching multiple places, I found it was only available on Adobe Fonts. Then, I discovered an interesting loophole on YouTube. However, for it to work, I needed to purchase an Adobe InCopy subscription. And guess what? I managed to get access to the entire font family—and all Adobe Fonts—for just Rs.1. Haha!Since morning, I've mostly been working with fonts. Oh, and I also tried a new workout plan today. It was incredibly effective! What a session—I feel like my muscles really opened up, haha.Okay, bye for now. I have an important day tomorrow, so I need to get back to work. Good night! :)
21 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, I did sleep like a baby, haha. But waking up late really threw my day off. You see, I really enjoy waking up early because it gives me a sense of being ahead of most people, as starting the day early feels productive. But today, I think I got too lazy. It turned out to be the most unproductive day I've had in a while, and I didn't like it.
Later in the evening, to clear my mind, I went to Vipul's place. Even though I wanted to have a drink, we ended up playing badminton instead. Then I thought I’d just mix some white rum in a water bottle and drink at home. There was a moment today when I really felt like crying. And if you ask me why, well, I think you already know. Anyways, I didn't. Instead, I went to the gym. I guess those tears are saved for another time.
20 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm finally done with what has been keeping me awake for two straight days. I was so consumed by this assignment, but it turned out pretty nice—beautiful, I'd say. I love it. Finally, I can get some rest, and I'm sure I'll sleep like a baby tonight, haha. My mind is so exhausted that I can't do anything else.
Anyways, how are you, my love? I wonder how you're feeling. Do you ever feel like something is missing? Like something isn't right? Like you're surrounded by people but still feel alone, as if the one person who makes you feel alive, happy, and complete is missing?
I won't lie—every single day, whether it's morning or before I go to sleep, my thoughts are always about you. Not a day has passed without me checking my phone first thing in the morning, hoping that one day you'll ask about me—the person who has loved you all along.
19 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, so yesterday my mother came into my room in the middle of the night. I was working, and she called me into my sister's room. I wondered what she was trying to tell us or plan. Turns out she remembered where she had kept the jewellery bag, it was in my sister's wardrobe! She was the one who misplaced it there, lol. At least we found the bag. Also, my headache is better now. I took some medicine today, almost forgot that medicine even exists, haha. But I couldn't sleep at all last night because of the headache, and I missed you a lot. I should have been working, but there's been too much screen time lately, so I dropped that idea. I felt like talking to you, but it was 3 a.m. Instead, I sat with a notepad and started jotting things down—shayari or poetry, but the way it turned out isn't even worth mentioning. But who cares? I tell you everything here, so why not my 3 a.m. thoughts? Okay, if I tell you, don't laugh, okay? It's not like you've ever written something for me—not that I'm counting, lol. Your presence only is more than any shayari ;)
18 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, this cold isn't getting any better. I've had a headache the whole day. Even at the gym, while doing bench presses, my head felt like it was about to explode—boom... haha! But it was worth the pump. :) Here's a fun fact, even though I have a cold, I don't actually feel cold. It's like normal temperature for me, but everyone around me is going crazy, saying, “It's freezing, it's freezing!” Haha.
Oh, and today, my mom misplaced her bag of jewellery. She searched everywhere, and I helped her too, but we couldn't find it anywhere. She hasn't told father yet. We also don't think the helper who comes to clean and handle other house chores every day would do something like that. The helper is one of the three peons assigned to my father by the government. But who knows? We can't just blame anyone without proof. I really hope she finds it within a day or two.
Anyway, good night, Gigi's mother. Take care!
17 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, I caught a cold and I'm not really feeling well. I feel irritated, but I'm trying to calm myself down as much as I can by telling myself that everything will be okay. It does help for the moment, lol. I have this important work that I need to complete by Friday. I also went to the gym because I didn’t want to feel even weaker than I already do. I’m feeling kinda low, but regardless of how I feel right now, I have to do what needs to be done because it’s important to me. If you were here with me right now, you would have taken care of me. You would have, right? I miss you. Please take care of me for today.
16 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you? How's everything going? How's your bhai log? How are your parents? Any updates on Gigi? How are you holding up these days? How are things at the office? Is Satish behaving? If not, just blink once, and it'll be the last time he blinks—haha! I hope he's treating you well, and not just him—everyone around you. You deserve all the good things in life. A person like you, always smiling, radiates such an amiable vibe. I wish I could witness it just once—the bliss of you, my goddess. That would make me truly happy, like really, really happy, in a way I haven't felt for a very long time.
For now, I've gone back to my other half—my gym! Yay! Finally, after a month-long gap, we're back together, haha. It felt amazing to lift my heavy weights after so long. I wouldn't have left in the first place, but due to some self-imposed deadlines, I couldn't meet them. No more vague excuses for skipping the gym, not even for a day. I'll achieve the body I want, and though it's a long journey, it’s going to be fun.
Oh, my strong woman, are you working out as well? 👀
15 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm sorry, but I'm just losing it today. It's too much to handle; my thoughts are overwhelming me. It's not easy, and it doesn't seem to get any better. I've been dreaming about us for two consecutive days—very intimate dreams. I'm struggling to cope with your absence. Even though I want you to be happy, how can you not miss me even once? I'm sorry—it's just too painful today, so I'll take my leave…
14 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother. What an absolutely amazing evening it has been today! Do you remember the musician I met back at the Mumbai hostel I mentioned before—Federico, alias Fedbo? Well, this morning, I got a message from him saying he had put me on the guest list for their show in Gurgaon, as I had told him where I live. What can I say? He's my Italian friend, you know—haha.I couldn't miss this chance, so I went there and arrived around 7:15 PM, even though the event was scheduled to start at 7. Thinking I was already late, I rushed in without even having time to get tipsy. However, the event hadn't started yet.Once inside, I looked around—it was a nice place, by the way. Then I thought I’d just step out to buy a miniature bottle of whisky that I’d already planned to get. So, I went out and bought a Teacher's miniature. With no other choice, I had to drink it neat, straight from the bottle—it was quite an experience, haha.When I returned, the event still hadn’t started. I sipped a few more times, and even before the show began, my bottle was almost empty—lol. Finally, around 8 PM, Fedbo came on stage and started playing. He’s truly talented—he plays the guitar so well and sings beautifully, too.After playing a few songs, he stepped down, and the stage was taken over by a Taiwanese girl who had come specifically for Anthony. I went to the smoking area and met a couple there. We had a great conversation about Anthony since they were the ones who brought him up. Later, I met two other people and ended up making two new friends. We chatted a bit, and I told them the story of how I met Federico. I even told them about you and that I write to you everyday. And not just them but everyone I tell about you and the blog, they say this thing only"that you really love her, mahn", to which I proudly say "yes, I do, because she is the one'. Soon after, Anthony and Federico came on stage together to play. The vibe and the music were absolutely amazing—it was pure joy listening to them. At one point, Anthony even pointed toward me, which you might notice in the videos. I could figure out what he was going to say or ask, and he joked, “Are we paying this person?” pointing to me—haha.Anthony sang two or three Italian songs, including his famous track Coffee Cup. Hearing it live was incredible. In fact, he performed it twice, with the second version being slightly different.When the show ended, I finally got pictures with both Federico and Anthony. We chatted briefly, and Federico was really happy to see me there cheering for him—he even mentioned it. Afterward, I caught up with those new friends and chatted for another half an hour. Another guy joined us, too. The two friends even invited me to their after-party, but my phone battery was about to die, and I hadn’t eaten anything. So, they suggested catching up later this week instead.It was such a crazy, wonderful experience meeting all these people. It reminded me of us—how we used to go out, meet new people, party, and then come home to hug each other and fall asleep. I wish I could do that with you right now.Gigi's mother, I... really, really love you. It breaks my heart to see us like this, but it doesn’t break my spirit to keep loving you.
See for yourself : amemorabilia
13 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, did you listen to that Fred Again song I shared yesterday? What do you think? How did it make you feel? For me, it made me relive what I already feel and live through. I hope you experience that someday too.
As for today, I got up and have been busy designing my Dribbble shot. This fourth one took quite some time. Later in the evening, I went to Vipul's place, and we played pool. I think the last time I played pool, or even touched a cue stick, was about eight years ago, haha. That's a long gap! I wouldn't say I'm a champ, but I can pocket a few balls and even win a game sometimes.
Afterward, I went to pick up Prisha from her place. Now she's insisting I take her to the winter carnival at her mother's school, where she teaches. I think she's cried 4-5 times already because I said I can't or that I'll see. She even set an early alarm for 8 a.m. to get ready and leave as quickly as possible. The fun part is that her own school's winter carnival is on the 21st, and I already told her I'd go, but I can't make it tomorrow.
12 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, look, I bought you tulips! Aren't they beautiful—just like you? Okay, fine, not more than you, because there isn't a living or non-living thing more beautiful than you that I can imagine. I remember the time you asked for them on your birthday. I had ordered them, but they weren't delivered to you. So, here you have them now. I know they aren't real, but the feeling of giving them to you is still the same. Maybe one day, I'll be able to present real ones to you. In fact, I want to bring you flowers every single day for the rest of my life.
Well, today was my parents' 30th anniversary. If you look at the date, 12.12.24, 12 + 12 = 24. (Sorry for the jabardasti ka logic, haha.) They went out for dinner, and everyone else had their food delivered at home—except me. My mom had to make paneer bhurji for me after coming home. Oh, and she almost hurt her knee on the stairs today. She was bringing me juice on the terrace, where I was reading a book. She slipped and then called me. When I went to the scene, she was sitting on the stairs, smiling, with the juice spilled all over the place. I asked her if she was hurt, but all she said was, "Juice pi," haha. Thank God she was alright, just a small bruise on her knee.
Also, I've been listening to another amazing set by Fred again.. - Studio Live (London, April 2021). I get so lost in it while working that I never feel tired. In fact, it makes me enjoy my work even more. Especially, this song {Angie (I've Been Lost)} in the set that I really loved (if you ever see the video, you'll see kinda reflection of my life, except he is on his phone and I'm talking to you here), it has this line
"I've been lost, I've been lost
I've been lost, I've been lost for a while
But I'm really tryin"
Gigi's mother, can I say something? You know, I really see us together till death do us part—like when we're in our old age, maybe celebrating our 50th or 60th anniversary together. We'd look at each other, smiling, with eyes filled with tears of joy, saying, "We made it." And even then, I'd still bring you flowers every single day 🌷
11 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I went to Cars24 HQ. OK, let me take you back how and why, because I was always tend to start my story in mid, lol. Anyways few days back the AVP of design of Cars24 posted on LinkedIn. It was regarding a brainstorming session for Cars24 rebranding. So yeah this is an insider news which I'm giving you. Keep it a secret, lol. So I signed up for it. Later on they mailed me a form to fill, post to which they will shortlist people for the 2h session. And it was yesterday night only I got the invite confirmation, then what how could I miss such a once in lifetime chance, ok not once in a lifetime chance, thats just bit much exaggeration. You could say not everybody get to experience such things. Their office is quite big after all it's a $3.3 Billion company. There were about 10-12 people for the session all around design profile, then 3 designers of Cars24 and then the AVP. They all were so polite especially the AVP. They briefed us why rebranding and all as they are expanding their business for more services related to cars. We had 3 fun brainstorming exercises. We were given sandwich and tea, to which obviously had to say no to. Then they took a photo and then we all just started having networking, having conversation with each other. I talked to 2 designers from there, other few participant and the AVP. He was very chill, down to earth and very insightful. He became my buddy, too soon? haha. Oh I forgot to tell they gave us a grand prize of Rs.500 Amazon voucher each for our precious time and insights, lol.
OK now, I'll work on my Dribbble shots, good night for today, see you tomorrow…only if I could actually see you :,)
9 December 2024
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've started reading a new book called Do It Today by Darius Foroux. It's about productivity and overcoming procrastination, which I've kind of been struggling with these past few days. But not entirely—I'd say—because today, I made my second Dribbble shot. It's funny, though; even though I've attached a link to my Dribbble account on my website, it can't be accessed yet since my account needs to be verified for people to view my shots. That said, I'm really excited about exploring visual design. I think I'll start working on some branding projects as well. It's also time to upgrade my website—I'm getting a bit bored with the current design, lol. I want to showcase my Dribbble shots right upfront on the site.
Oh, and about last midnight—I was watching a beginner's tutorial on how to become a DJ, haha. I've been exploring sets by different music producers and DJs, including a few Boiler Room sets. Today, I was listening to a set by Chris Luno. And once again, it's you who made me fall in love with this kind of music. When I think of you, it's music all around, your beautiful smile, my hands wrapped around that zero-figure waist, and us dancing in love... uff 💘
Click on it and see
a glimpse of the
concert ✨
2 December 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I didn't sleep at all last night. You know what I did? I raved the whole night to Fred Again's rooftop version, haha. I lost count of how many times it played on repeat without stopping for even a second. But it kept me energized through the night without burning out. By 7 a.m., I had completed the assignment, and then I slept for 2-3 hours. Something funny happened last night. Remember I mentioned the train ticket being on the waiting list? Well, one of them got confirmed—the one with the least chance of getting confirmed! Now, I've packed for tomorrow's flight. It’s an early morning one, so I'll have to wake up early.
Finally, the moment has come—I'm going to attend Maroon 5! Listening to their songs as a teenager and now getting to hear them live is something I never even dreamed of. So, it's not a dream come true—haha, nice one, right? What can I say? I'm still funny. Oh, Gigi's mother, I used to make even better jokes and do funnier things that made you laugh when you were here with me. I wish I could go back and do all those silly things again because your smile and laugh are the most beautiful I've ever seen. They truly made me the happiest.
Well, I won't be able to take my laptop on this trip, so I won't be able to post anything for the next two days. But I promise I'll take lots of pictures of the concert and wherever else I go—though I don't even know where that'll be yet, lol.
Good night, Gigi's mother. I'll miss you. I really wish we were attending this concert together; it would've been out of this world. Love you ❤︎
1 December 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've been all caught up today, and I think I'll have to stay awake as well to complete this assignment I'm working on. If you also awake call me, haha, as if you will or you even reading what I write. But it's ok, for now I'll keep working until I make it. I believe in something very strongly and my faith in it is indomitable. Anyway, looking at my train reservations, both tickets are still on the waiting list. Yes, I booked a second one to increase my chances of getting at least one confirmed, but both are still in waiting. So, I finally booked a plane ticket. I had no other option—I'm not missing Maroon 5's first concert in India. And with not only one but two tickets, lol. Oh Gigi's mother you also come na. See even this world is conspiring for us to meet, attend this concert together. Why don't you believe in it re?
28 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I feel kind of broken today, and just for today, I’m letting this heaviness sink deep within me. Please, take me away from here—take me to those far-off lands where we once lived happily. To where I was truly myself, happy, and right beside you. Hold me, just once. And if not that, at least smile at me like you used to when you looked up at me. Your smile, your touch—they give me the strength of Dutch courage. That’s why I never got drunk on alcohol when I was with you, because I was already intoxicated by your love. Oh, Gigi's mother, I'll be honest—I can't even write properly today. So many thoughts and emotions are rushing at me all at once that I can't focus on what I truly want to express. This is the longest I've ever sat here, trying to write, but today, everything is happening inside me. My fingers feel silent. Yet, somehow, I manage, because this love gives me the power to overcome anything. I wonder if you ever read these—if you do—what might you think of what I write here? Would you laugh it off? What would you feel. Well didn't you truly love me. Didn't you carry me in your heart. Ah... I’m sorry; I can’t write more than this today.
At the end of it all, today, I just want to ask for a slow dance with me, just once, to Anyone Who Knows What Love Is by Irma Thomas.
26 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, my ticket came through today, yay, see. It had the entry band, a cool seed paper, and few pamphlets. It didn't have that glowing band which I thought would come, lol. Well anyways I didn't pay to get a glowing band but, wait for it… Maroon 5, baby. I booked train ticket as well which is in waiting list (me crying in the corner, haha). I booked a nice backpacker hostel as well, it's called "Locomo Express - Stay Work Eat", seemed good from the pictures and good reviews as well and top of that prices were also deal maker. Hopefully the train ticket gets confirmed. Now that I'm going to Mumbai, I'm thinking of exploring a few other places nearby. Remember how I mentioned Ajanta and Ellora caves and how I've always wanted to visit them with you? Even if I consider visiting now, they're quite far from the event venue. So maybe next time. Maybe it's meant to be a trip with you—who knows? It never hurts to stay optimistic. What are the chances of you also going to the event after all they are coming first time to India, probably 0.001%. But you still will be there, close to me, oh Gigi's mother :)
24 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I woke up in a very different mood—one I can't quite figure out myself. I made my usual coffee around 5:30 and started reading the book I had been so excited about. But something just felt off since I woke up. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep, or perhaps I don't know why. So, I went for a short stroll, came back, and decided to sleep again, hoping I'd wake up with a fresher mind. Thankfully, it felt better when I woke up. However, today, in general, has been a bit off. I couldn't focus on my work, which is very important for what I need to prepare. I guess it's just one of those days when I lose control over my mind. And you know how chaotic my mind can get when it's not in control. I also have to manage the collateral damage it causes.
Oh, and there's this shayari I wrote a while back that's been replaying in my head. I feel like writing it down today. P.S. I'm not a shayar, but I love poetry and shayari, so...
22 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, while writing today's blog, I realized I hadn't even published yesterday's blog—lol. I guess I got so consumed by my emotions while writing that I forgot to hit the publish button. Anyway, that was yesterday.
As for today, I got another good opportunity to get closer to my goal. It's still a long shot, but the important thing is, it's a shot—and I'm ready to take it. Well, first, I need to prepare to present it, lol. Also, I'm so tired of LinkedIn! All I see is Zomato everywhere—it's like Mr. Goyal has bought LinkedIn, haha. That said, you do pick up a lot of marketing strategies from it. Sometimes, I feel like I should become a growth marketer myself or even start a marketing agency. In fact, I've started watching videos on marketing and entrepreneurship. I plan to dive deeper into them later, once I figure a few things out.
You see, Gigi's mother, one must have knowledge about almost everything. I'm trying to absorb as much as I can, and it's fascinating—it really helps you understand how the world works. But one thing I can't seem to fathom is how you are, what you've been up to, what bothers you, and what turns your day sour. I may not be physically there to take care of you, right now all I can do is wish for your wellbeing, your happiness, your success and rest for the best, iykyk ;)
21 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today we are back in business, baby! Way to go, eh? What do you say, haha. I've decided to create some sort of design every day to boost my creativity, and I can start posting it as well. Also, I might get some freelance project as well, lets see. I went to Vipul's place today and played badminton after so long—actually, after so many years! It's the first time I've touched a sport in ages. Do you remember how we once thought of playing badminton when we were living in Splendid Skylines? But we never got around to it. You see, Gigi's mother, there's so much we planned to do, and that wasn't even the tip of it.
Anyways, how are you? Are you keeping well? Do you miss me? Miss me sometimes, na. Because honestly, you're always right next to me—you don't even let me miss you, haha. You are my strength; in tough times, you're the one who pulls me through. No matter how many times I fail, you keep me going. You've truly made me happy and madly in love. But this love isn't ordinary. It's something really pure for me, something that comes from the depths of my ocean-like heart. I may not always be able to express it, and maybe you're laughing at this right now—whenever you're reading it, if you ever do in the future.
So, to the future you, I say this: Darling, what we have is truly amazing and beautiful. This love we share is undeniable, even if you don't fully believe in it. I do—truly.
And again I sleep in a house dreaming of a home. Good night :,)
20 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother had a long day, and I'm so tired. We went to Khaatushyam Mandir today in Rajasthan. I think I visited after so many years, and a lot has changed since then. There were so many people from all corners of India like so many. I got to know the background story too, and it’s quite interesting. It is said that whatever you wish for there is granted, and there’s nothing more I could wish for but…
Even though it was a long journey, Prisha made it a bit fun. After we got back home, while I was writing here, I told her that I posted her dance video. She asked me, "How did Gigi like it? Did Gigi's mother watch it? What did she say about the dance?" I couldn't answer her.
I wish I could answer those questions because even I don't know the answers. Her asking them was enough to make me a bit emotional. I wanted to drown in Prisha's arms and tell her how Gigi and his mother have distanced themselves from me. She may just be a child, but she understands so many emotions and truly cares about me. She would definitely have said, "Aap meri baat karwa do unse.” But how can I? I myself am just left here talking, reminiscing, and sharing the idea of you. Come back, Gigi's mother. Come back home :,)
Since this is a rooftop edition, it also reminds me of when we used to hang out on the terrace of your first flat. Your arms wrapped around me as we chased stars and talked for hours. I wish I'd never stood up from those moments. I want those moments of ours to last for a gazillion years ;,)
17 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, moshi moshi! How are you? Are you happy? How's our baby? I miss him a lot—and you even more. I wish I could see you both. Also, I've changed the song here; it's the third time. You might not know, so let me tell you. The first one was Angel by Kid Cudi (from Entergalactic), the second—any guesses?—was our song, Space Song. And now, it's Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex. Why this song, you ask? Well, why not? Haha. It's a good one, and it calms the storm inside me. It makes me feel closer to you somehow, so yeah. I wonder what you are listening to these days?
Today, I started learning Japanese—because it's beauty! I love the culture and the language, even more so because of you. I've been wanting to learn a new language for a while now; it's been on my bucket list ever since I made it. Everything pointed toward Japanese, so I finally started today. In fact, moshi moshi and konnichiwa are two words I've been chanting randomly for a week now, haha.
Okay, before I sign off for today, can I ask you something? What is it you truly desire? What do you wish for the most, eh Gigi's mother?
15 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, what a vibrant night it was! It was Prisha's Mamu's Lagan ceremony. At first, I really didn't want to go, but then I found out she was going to perform. There was no way in the world I could miss that. My whole family attended the event. It was okay overall, but it made me miss something we had been looking forward to in our future together—something truly beautiful. Her Mamu was dancing with his bride-to-be, and it made me imagine some amazing moments of us together. I waited quite a while for her to perform. When she finally took the stage, she looked so pretty. And when she had the dance floor all to herself, she lit it up with her moves. What a performance! I wanted to join her, but I was busy recording a video—even though there were hundreds of people already doing the same. For me, it felt personal, haha. And guess what I ate in the meantime? Just fruits and salads, lol. Now that I'm back home, I'll enjoy some homemade food, which is always the best. Honestly, the day started with no sleep and a full day of work, but she truly made my day. She even asked me if I'd post this on my blog, lol. She knows about Gigi and you, about how I write. One day, while she was standing next to me, she noticed me writing and started reading. She asked who Gigi and his mother were. When I showed her, she was amazed—just like I'm always amazed by you, you the most beautiful :,)
P.s. Video size was too big that's why couldn't upload, but if ever in future you are reading these and wanna watch an amazing performance, here is the link to watch it :
Prisha's dance performance 💃🏼
13 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, how is this world treating you? Or do you feel like escaping and getting lost in space? If the answer is yes, then let's go, might as well take me and Gigi with you. Let's just float in space, free from the worries of this world. We can build a glass-walled house on the moon, or any planet or galaxy you choose. It’s your pick, haha! Let's set up our brand there; it'll be so exclusive that the ultra-rich will travel through space to buy our stuff, paying whatever we ask. If people can travel to other countries just to shop, why not to another planet? It'll be one of a kind! Imagine—no competition, unless Earthlings figure their own way to open a shop up there. Because, my love, you're the only one in whom I see the whole universe. This may sound like a cheesy line, but it’s truly how I see, feel, and believe in you. The world may or may not believe in you, but know that I always have faith in you to do great things. Even if you fall, I'll be there to catch you—always just around the corner.
12 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today hasn't really been my day—though, when is it ever? I'm a bit disappointed by something I hoped would turn out the way I wanted. If only things happened as we wished—wouldn't that be something? It's not exactly a major setback, but it would have nudged me closer to my goal in a better way. Right now I really can't explain what I feel but these lines perfectly lay it down.
Yes, I do, I believe
That one day I will be where I was
Right there, right next to you
And it's hard, the days just seem so dark
The moon, the stars are nothing without you
Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?
No words can explain the way I'm missing you
Deny this emptiness, this hole that I'm inside
These tears, they tell their own story
Told me not to cry when you were gone
But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you
And make sure you're all right?
I'll take care of you
I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight
I'm reaching out to you
Can you hear my call? (Who's to say you won't hear me?)
This hurt that I've been through
I'm missing you, missing you like crazy
Click and see
the magic!!
Your touch is the magic,
it brightens up my heart
just like this :,)
11 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's been a while since I've seen any progress in my muscle growth. I think it's because my body has gotten used to the workout routine I've been following for so long, and it's time to switch things up. I was watching an interview of Arnold the other day, and he said something that really clicked : “One of the main things to create size and muscle growth is dealing with those times when the body hits a wall. What that basically means is the body is saying, ‘Look, I know all your tricks, I know your routine, I know exactly what you do, and I'm prepared for it.’ So you have to go and use the shocking principle.”
And that's exactly what I'm going to do—add variations and try Arnold's split routine. Believe me, it's on a whole other level. He used to go twice a day for hours just to complete a single session. That man is truly a legend, such an inspiration. I'm also trying to put on some weight, but it just doesn't stick! It never has, lol. In fact, when I went to get one of my pants adjusted a few days ago, the shop owner even said, “Sir, you’re very lean.” Bit of a letdown, honestly.
Anyway, how's everything on your side? How's our little black baby? Every time I see a pet, I think of him and can't help but give them a little love wherever I find them. That's another thing you taught me—love for animals. I mean, I already loved them, but now it's on a whole different level. I miss you both, eh Gigi's mother :,)
8 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, what a day! I added a new book to my "to-buy" list. I've made this list on Notion with books I plan to buy, ones I already own (but still have to read), and those I've finished reading. The new addition is Wise and Otherwise by Sudha Murthy. Since morning, I’ve been reading and watching everything about her—what a legend! She truly is one of the most respected women in India. So, yeah, I'll read this book later.
Also, I ticked off another item from my bucket list, though it’s only partially done. I’m going to the Maroon 5 concert—yay! It’s on December 3rd in Mumbai. The tickets went live today, and I was ready five minutes before the sale. I even asked my sister to keep her tab open in case I couldn’t book it myself, but I managed on my first try. It cost me 8K, lol. What can I say? If I could buy Diljit tickets in black, Maroon 5 is totally worth it for me! Plus, BookMyShow is such a frustrating website to use—really confusing.
When I told Vipul I bought a Maroon 5 ticket, he bought one too, planning to sell it in black, but even general tickets are still available, haha. Now he’s like, “It won’t sell,” haha. But I’m definitely going to Maroon 5—I can’t believe I’m going to see them!I wish we could go together. I've always wanted to attend concerts with you, a lot of them, in fact, all of them. Dance with you, sing with you, enjoy with you. I would be the happiest with you :,)
7 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I made a blunder today! I’ve been wanting this exclusive pair of Onitsuka Tiger shoes for a while now. I would have ordered them earlier, but I was trying to save money since I’d already spent a lot at the time, and they weren’t cheap, lol. So finally, when I decided to buy them, my shoe size was out of stock.
But it doesn’t end there—I tried to be smarty pants and checked for another size. The main issue was that the sizes were all in US standards. I looked up a US-to-UK shoe size chart online, clicked the first website, and saw that US size 11 (which was available) equates to a UK 9. I thought I could work with a size 9, so without wasting time, I quickly ordered it, feeling so happy to finally get the pair I loved.
Then, just two minutes later, I decided to double-check the size on other websites, and to my surprise, they all showed different conversions, lol! So I called customer service to confirm, and it turned out that the size was indeed too big for me, so I had to cancel the order. Even Prisha approved them out of 3 colors. Just look at it, though—isn’t it a beauty?
5 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I think I’ve developed the habit of waking up early, without needing an alarm or anything. Yesterday, I forgot to set my alarm, and I still woke up around 4:59. I thought, “I'll sleep one more minute since the alarm will go off at 5 a.m.” But even without it, I was awake within ten minutes. I enjoy waking up early; it feels good. It’s like the whole world is asleep, and I can quietly read my book and sip some coffee. You know, I had a dream about you—it felt nice waking up, at least getting to see you in my dreams.
Also, I had another interview with a senior product designer, as I mentioned yesterday. The guy was late; in fact, I had to text HR to let them know no one had arrived in the meeting. She responded, "Wait five minutes." I mean, is that a joke? On top of that, when he finally joined, he seemed very disinterested in conducting the interview. Regardless, I kept calm and did my best. Later, I had another online assessment for a different company.
Sometimes, I feel like saying "forget the job" and just diving into my startup idea, which I definitely plan to do. But I feel like I need some experience and guidance first—that’s why I'm looking for a job at a startup for a while. Anyways, miss you and Gigi loads.
4 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been quite busy with interviews. I had a major one with a senior product designer—a whiteboard challenge round. It was my first-ever whiteboard challenge, and I was quite nervous about how it would go. I watched some YouTube videos beforehand and gave it my best shot, but I don't think it went very well, lol. At least I've gotten the first one out of the way and can learn from it for next time. After that, I had two HR rounds with two other companies, and I have another interview scheduled for tomorrow. Also, guess what—I’ve finally decided on what and where I'm going to get my first tattoo, and I’m so excited to get it done, soon...
3 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, how are you these days? How’s the brand coming along? Oh thy beautiful soul do you miss me at all? It feels chaotic inside my brain—I’m processing so many thoughts and emotions all at once. On top of that, trying to get multiple things done simultaneously adds to it. I'm considering trying meditation; even in the Almanac of Naval Ravikant, it’s said that mental peace should be a priority. By the way, I finished that book today and have now started Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. So far, so good! I’ve heard so much praise for it. My love for reading has grown exponentially; it’s one thing that truly keeps me calm, along with practicing singing, haha. Yes, you heard that right—I’ve been learning to sing and play the ukulele. It’s just the beginning, maybe one day I'll sing you a song or a few ;)
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with
With every single day passing by it's getting heavier and heavier :,(
1 November 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm not doing well at all. I can't concentrate on work; I spend the entire day thinking about you. I'm sorry, but I can't help missing you. I love you. I haven’t cried yet, but sometimes I feel on the verge of tears, though I don’t want to feel weak. Please come back; I love you. No one but you has ever made me truly happy.I've been trying to learn a lot lately, buying and reading plenty of books. Today, I went with my sister to visit her friend. We drank a bit and listened to music. I played some Kanye for them. Don’t worry, one day I'll make you listen to Kanye, too—you’ll love him as much as I do. I also had a debate with her friend about something related to the CTO role.Anyway, I'm sorry for needing you. I'm not allowed to say more than this right now.
31 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, Happy Diwali to you, your bhai log, and your parents ❤︎
Today, let’s talk about you. You are the brightest, most charming person, lighting up everyone around you. You’re one of a kind, something truly special. The way you smile, the way your eyes sparkle—your forehead, your nose, your hair, your small hands, that keto diet body shape (lol). I could write countless books about you, yet even that wouldn’t capture it all. That’s why you hold a special place deep within me, safe in my heart, where I can cherish you with love and care.
I wish for you to achieve everything you desire, as you deserve love and the world itself. I know you’ll conquer this world one day. And I hope to see and hold you once, even if just one last time. That would ease this pain, this void, this emptiness. I’d be happy, even if only for a moment—but I would be happy again. :)
30 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm sorry; it's not getting any easier without you. I mean, I can’t find that elation I used to feel. As the days pass, I miss you more and think about you constantly, especially during this festive season. It feels like there’s no joy or happiness left in my life. Unless I achieve something great, I can’t feel happy or celebrate anything.
Today, my father took me to the District & Sessions Court judge’s house to deliver Diwali sweets. He always asks about me and my sister when he talks to Dad. Something funny happened there, lol. And Prisha? She actually showed her middle finger to Annu! I mean, after dropping the f-word before, and now this... she’s growing up way too fast. I bet you two would get along so well. She’d absolutely adore you, coz she loves and is totally obsessed with me, haha.
29 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I’ve been waking up early these days, around 5:30 a.m. Don't even ask about when I sleep because it's uncertain, especially lately. I can't seem to sleep; I think about you a lot. So, I listen to some music after reading a book. Generally, I'd say I fall asleep between 12:30 and 2:00 a.m.
The first thing I do in the morning is have my black coffee. Then, I start reading the newspaper, do some work, read a book, and repeat this routine throughout the day—haha. I've also started learning SwiftUI, the framework for iOS app development, and I’ve begun playing chess. You see, I'm trying to incorporate something new almost every other day, and it feels good.
Today is Dhanteras, the day of the Goddess Lakshmi, but my Lakshmi is you, who has turned herself away from me. I wish to see you again, even if just once. Oh, my Goddess, please show yourself to this true devotee. Happy Dhanteras, my love.
28 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, can I just lay by your side today, so it doesn’t hurt for a while? It’s been over a month and a half since I last called you and heard your voice. I’m not able to focus these days. I’m struggling to be productive. I don’t know what’s happening, but one thing is for sure—I wish I could see you, even just once. Please talk to me, call me once. I’ll be all good and back on track. You truly inspire me to be something greater than myself.
27 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I came back home later this afternoon. I was really not in the mood to do anything because I didn't sleep at all. Even though I wanted to sleep first, I had to do some work and take a bath. I'm tired—thank God today is Sunday, so no gym. Anyway, good night; I'll talk to you later.
After the concert, we left, but Ronak got pickpocketed, and his phone was stolen. After struggling to get a cab, we finally reached home late. A few people from their college joined us then. We started drinking and talking. It was nice meeting new people and discussing things—philosophies, life stories, and experiences. I didn’t sleep the whole night and didn’t eat anything because I avoid outside food. Even though it was a good night, I still feel this emptiness inside me, this gap you left in me, sometimes even more so.
24 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, these days I'm reading The Almanack of Naval Ravikant. It's full of great wisdom—a must-read, and I highly recommend it. Even though I usually read it at the end of the day before sleeping, today I read it in the morning. I also found my old drawings and painting files that my sister had returned to me from her cupboard. Looking back at the time when I created them made me realize how far I've come since I last made any art.
Today was Vipul's birthday, so we went out in my car and met his girlfriend. She was hosting a Diwali house party with her office colleagues. We weren't planning to join them, but they insisted, so we had one beer each. It was okay, kind of fun. But even when I'm present around people, I always feel like I'm missing you. In fact, in moments when I'm surrounded by people, I miss you even more. It was with you that I enjoyed going out to parties the most, so now it feels like I can never fully enjoy a party without you. You'll always be missed, Gigi's mother.
23 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I wasn't able to do much today and feel so useless. I mean, I did some things, but they weren't worth calling it a productive day. I'd say it was busy with house chores, and having the Wi-Fi replaced took up all my time. Also, my father almost lost his left eye, but luckily it was just a scratch. It hurt a lot, so I took him to the doctor last night. And today, he fell from the ladder and hurt himself pretty badly. It's just not his day, lol. I haven't been able to stick to a proper diet either. It feels like everything is slipping out of my hands, and no matter how hard I try to get things in order, nothing seems to fall into place. I wish I could just be in your arms, I’d feel whole again. I miss you, Gigi's mother. Please, visit me once.
22 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, remember I mentioned yesterday that I had a setback that affected me somehow? Well, today I got myself back on track and returned to work with a somewhat refreshed mindset. But later in the afternoon, I got a call from that place. They said they were reevaluating my profile and that I'd hear from them by Thursday. My reaction was, 'What?' I mean, is this a good or bad thing? I'm still clueless. Should I be happy, or should I not be bothered? It's complicated because, for certain reasons, this opportunity means more to me than others, which I'll tell you about one day if we meet. There's a lot, Gigi's mother, so much I want to tell you. Please, just listen, even if it's only once. But I will say that I feel a bit more optimistic than I did yesterday and this morning. Of course, it would hurt if things don't turn out the way I hope, but that's okay—it's not in my hands. If you asked me whether I did my best, I'd say I did more than that, sort of. In the end, all we can do is pray and hope for the best. (Even though I'm trying to realistic, the inner me really wants this opportunity!)
21 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today has been a bit off due to a setback. I was so close to getting this great opportunity at a fantastic place, but I guess it just didn’t work out. To be honest, I don’t believe in the whole 'it wasn’t meant to be' thing anymore. We are solely responsible for our failures and actions, so if I didn’t get what I wanted, it's because of me. Even though I feel bad about it, there's nothing else I can do but work even harder and keep pushing until I achieve what I want. What else can I do, after all? I can’t just sit around and cry or feel sad about it—I don’t have time for that.
Sometimes I feel like I’m juggling so many things at once that even I struggle to keep track. Believe me, when I say I’m trying to do too much at the same time—it’s maddening, haha. There’s so much to do, so much to learn. Even though it gets exhausting, the idea of taking a break just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know how to feel anything anymore; nothing seems to make sense.
20 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, the most beautiful woman, how are you? How are your days treating you? Are you having great adventures? I bet you must be. I think about you a lot—my thoughts are either about you, my startup idea, or learning something new every day. I try to accumulate knowledge about something daily. Now, it's become a habit or maybe part of my personality that if I don't do something productive, I feel strange ending the day in an unproductive way. It's just not me anymore. I don't like watching anything unless it’s something useful or valuable that gives me some knowledge. Also, I got allotted a Hyundai IPO slot—yay! Now, I'm thinking of investing in another company's IPO, which has shown a good balance sheet. It's called 'Waree Energies. I have pre-applied it, so lets see.
19 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I checked something off my bucket list today! I mean, it was already done years ago, but I needed to do it again. I'm talking about my ear piercing—finally did it, yay! Now, only the nose piercing is left, but I think that'll take time, and that's okay—one thing at a time. Can I tell you something? I don't know myself anymore. I've become this person who is striving to achieve something greater in life, and until I do, I feel like I don't know who I am. This alternate version of Himanshu feels like he doesn't have a heart or soul. It's like I'm trying, but nothing is coming out of it. I feel like I'm drowning, and there's no one to save me.
18 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm a bit early here, haha. I'm not drunk, but I've been drinking with my sister for the first time, I'd say. It's fun. We've been talking about life and what we've been up to over the past two years. Her friend also joined us. I've been missing you a lot these past few days, like a lot, a lot. I can't get you out of my mind at all. I don't know what to do, yaar. Your absence is eating me alive. I wish I were close to you, or you were close to me, even just a few meters away. Today is one of those days when I really need you. I love you, Gigi's mother.
17 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today was Prisha's birthday, and you know what? She recorded a voice message and sent it to me on WhatsApp, saying that I hadn’t made a status for her on her birthday. So, I had to. I don’t really like making statuses and all that—I feel like I’m above it—but I had to do it for her. You see, there are only 4-5 people I care about the most: my parents, Prisha, you, and maybe my sister as well, haha. But yeah, for them, I’d do anything without a second thought. I miss you, yaar. I still feel this emptiness—sometimes even more than before—but I don’t have the time to address it. It’s there, and it can be felt. If I may, can I ask you something? Are you at peace, or do you also feel this emptiness? Are you happy, like really happy?
16 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I've spent quite a bit on myself by now. I don't think I've ever spent this much money on myself before. And I don’t think I’m in a position to continue this for a while either, lol. I've been learning about the stock market in more detail so I can start my responsible investment journey. Today, I invested in Hyundai's IPO and bought only 1 lot, which had 7 shares in it, and this lot cost me around 13.7k. Let’s see if I get it allotted by tomorrow or not. This is the first IPO I've invested in, so yeah, my journey as an investor has officially started, yay! Also, tomorrow is very special. A lot of things are going to happen tomorrow, and I'm really excited. Hopefully, everything goes well. Pray for me, will you?
15 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm feeling a bit frustrated today. I don't know why, but by the end of the day, everything just feels off. I started out fine, but now I feel emotionless, like I have no feelings, yet there's still this pain—it's hard to explain. Do you ever feel this way? How are you doing these days? What have you been up to? How's the brand coming along? Please, talk to me, even just once. Call or text me occasionally, and I'll get by. I'm trying my best to be productive, but staying consistent is hard. Even when I fail, I know I’m trying, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. One of these days... one of these days.
14 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, a lot happened today. I met some old and new acquaintances, had great conversations about life, politics, business, and startups, and our story was shared among them. It was really fun, and after a long time, I felt great sharing my experiences and listening to theirs, learning something new from them. I also shared my idea with my sister yesterday, and today, I shared it with someone in the startup ecosystem who has built something. He even offered to help with anything related to business. I won't lie—I feel good about this idea. In fact, when I went to the gym today, I had my first interaction with the receptionist, pitching the idea to her, and I believe there's some potential. All I need now is granular-level research for product validation, which I'm going to start working on.
I know this is not something new, but you were missed Gigi's mother.
13 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm not sure what or how I feel anymore. It's like I'm always burning from the inside. This fire has left me with scars that can't be seen, but can be felt—just like you. You're nowhere to be seen, yet you're always felt in my heart, and you women are still conquering it.
A few days ago, I watched 'Everything Everywhere All at Once,' which you've already seen. It reminded me of our situation, of how even if other decisions might have led to your betterment, the only thing that truly matters, or weighs more for your happiness, is the love you have—because that is what really matters. I really enjoyed the movie, though I didn't finish it earlier after watching the first 15 minutes. I was excited about it when I saw the trailer, but I finally completed it now, lol. I also remember us talking about watching it together, but we never did, as you'd already seen it.
Anyway, there are a lot of things I won’t mention here—things that happened or things I felt in certain moments—because I believe when it's our time, I’ll tell you everything in detail.
10 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, sorry I've been busy for a while, but I promise it won't happen again. And by that, I mean the blogs won't be late—not that you're waiting for them every day or even reading them. But it's okay, I guess. It's the path I chose because I don't know what else I would do. One thing I know for sure is to not give up. I've made some decisions, and I'm in the process of transitioning to fulfill them. I'm excited for these new beginnings, and I wish you were here to witness them. Well, wherever I go, there's always a shadow of you, so you're always with me, even though you're not physically here.
8 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, Today I went to Starbucks this morning and worked there only. I'm telling you this coffee addiction is getting out of hand. From being a chai lover to having coffee, I've come a long way, oh boi, ahah. Can I confess something? There is something I want to do, badly. It is crying in your arms. Ok, now forget I said this.
Also, I was watching Secret Life of Walter Mitty yesterday, and there was this quote that drew my attention. It quoted - "To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life."
7 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I've been to places, some places. It's been on my mind to go travel somewhere nice. So, I did my research and made a plan, a full-proof itinerary yesterday night.
I'm not sharing much about this trip right now, but maybe when we meet, I'll have stories to tell about the places I visited. It was my solo adventure.
But I'll tell you how this trip made me feel. It reminded me how short life is and how there's a beautiful, vast world out there to explore. As mesmerizing and grand as it all was, it made me realize how much I want to visit places with you, not alone. I wish you had been there with me—you would have loved it. Your absence was deeply felt, my dear.
6 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I finally finished the assignment today. I was so consumed by it that I hadn't eaten anything for one and a half days. But the work never stops. Now, even more work motivates me to keep pushing and improve. Lately, I've been watching the podcast by Nikhil Kamath, the founder of Zerodha, a humble and brilliant guy. You can learn a lot from it. I can't deny that I enjoy watching it now—it really stirs the startup bug in me. Also, I've been trying to get my hands on the book "The Almanack of Naval Ravikant." He's one of the most brilliant minds alive. I'll learn more about him and share with you; he even did a podcast with Beerbiceps. I watched that 2-hour podcast, and it had great conversations. I love how so many brilliant people come together, share their rich experiences, and we get to learn from them—it's truly captivating
4 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, sorry the work isn't over yet; I still have a lot to cover. But I managed to go to the gym and do some shopping on the side, although I didn’t get or at least find much. These days, my main motivation to leave the house, more than going to the gym, is to get some coffee. I'm caffeine-addicted. I’ve started this thing where I rate coffee from different shops or baristas. Ok? So, I had two coffees today—first from 'Cafe Nero' and then some not-so-good (thumbs down) coffee. I hope to discover more in the coming days and will keep you posted.
I dream of you every other day. Most of the time, I remember; sometimes, I don’t. Please visit me sometime, I miss you.
3 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's been busy-busy day. Been working on the assignment, couldn't go to gym again. But ate some good food. Ok bye now, ttyl, have work to do!
2 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I was watching a 2-hour long podcast where founders and entrepreneurs were discussing how to get started, along with the do's and don'ts. It was insightful, as they shared great examples, and I learned a handful of terms related to finance and the startup ecosystem. Then, I went to the gym because I missed yesterday due to an urgent work deadline, which is still looming over me. After finishing my workout, I went to get some coffee. Yes, I buy coffee now—me, lol. I wasn't a coffee person before, but now I can't survive without it (no sugar). And guess what? On my stroll back home, I found another Horcrux. These Horcrux represents happiness and exclusivity. You'll understand one day—who knows? Until then, your absence is felt deep in my gut. You're missed at every breakpoint of my day, and I constantly find myself thinking of you, as if you're always there, in my head - talking.
1 October, 2024,
Oh, Gigi’s mother, I visited the National Museum of Scotland today. Despite living in Edinburgh for the past two years, I had never been there before. Fun fact: it was on my way to university, and I passed by it every day during my uni days but never actually went inside. It was quite unexpected from the inside. It turned out to be a nice and immersive experience, with so many things to see. There was so much to be amazed by. I left after a while when I got hungry. After grabbing something to eat, I continued my stroll into town—Surgeons’ Hall. Once again, I found myself stuck in a bookstore, surrounded by books. So many books! I love books, absolutely love them. I bought one for myself: Design is Storytelling by Ellen Lupton. You would have loved it. You know I’m really into visiting art exhibitions and museums, but I want to experience them with you even more. Traveling to different countries and exploring their museums together sounds amazing.
There was so much about space, different cultures, evolution, wildlife, and all sorts of typical museum stuff—haha. I wish you were here to see what I'm going to see next. I hope one day we get to visit all these grand museums and great art exhibitions around the world. I'm a traveler, but with you, any journey becomes something else—something extraordinay, believe what I say.
30 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I'm sorry about yesterday, I was not drunk but emotionally wasted. There's a big transition going on in my life for which I'm excited and nervous at the same time. There are things to be done and places to be. It's going to be a great trip. Although it's happening again, I'm seeking things for someone without even wanting to. It just comes to me automatically, wherever I go. It happened today when I was at Waterstones, which was a great bookstore. So yeah, it’s happening. I don’t know what I’ll find next, but we’ll see. It's like finding a Horcrux, haha. I wanted to go out in the town, but it's been raining since morning so couldn't go. I'm thinking of going to Botanical Garden, heard good things and that it's beautiful. There are and there may be so many beautiful places to see, but still, my favourite and most marvellous place is beside you—the happiest, per se. So, I've told you mine, what's yours? Well whatever it may be and if you are not there, I hope you reach there, just follow your heart and also don't forget to follow god.
27 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I woke up from another dream, and it was something else. We were on a small boat, traveling aimlessly. The place was fresh, green, and beautiful. Even though we were on a boat, there was no water—only land. You were sitting in front of me, but just like in reality, you weren't talking to me. It was just the two of us. We were moving at great speed, gazing at the scenery the whole time. Then suddenly, water came from nowhere, and you were completely soaked, shivering, and gasping for air. You passed out as it suddenly became freezing cold, almost deadly cold. I carried you out of the boat and tried to warm you with my body. I rubbed your hands and feet, hugged you—did everything I could. After a few minutes of almost losing you, you came back to life. The first thing you said was, 'Why did you save me? Why didn't you leave me here?' I just looked at you, and that look explained everything about my feelings. After five seconds of silent eye contact, you kissed me—like you had missed me. And then I died, only to wake up in reality. The whole day has been about that kiss and you. It feels even heavier to hold onto myself and these feelings. All I can tell myself is that it will be okay, that one day it will all be worth it. Maybe, when the stars align, and when someone truly desires someone, things will come back to me.
24 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, you Jesus, how do you do it? How could you live without me and Gigi? We felt abandoned, you jilter. I see a lot of cats roaming around here, and they all remind me of Gigi. And then you being Gigi's mother, there's not a moment you are not missed. It doesn't get any easier, but I have to live for myself as well. I have to become something, to achieve something. I try to take things positively now, no matter how bad it is. But it comes with a cost attached to it, a hope. A hope that everything will be for the best at the end, and maybe some, "Kaaynat ki taaqat 💪🏼" influence makes things any better.
Anyway, today I gave someone a great motivational talk. I told them how to be productive and how I manage my time efficiently. I felt great that I could guide someone today. It pushes me to raise the level of effort I put in, like I'm sharing my best knowledge for their benefit. But this is all given by you, you are my life's Ultralight beam.
22 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I woke up several times this morning drenched in sweat, having seen you in my dreams. And when we wake up from such beautiful dreams only to face the silence in our lives, it feels as though that silence might consume us. I hope you know that if you ever feel down, sad, or lonely, someone loves you, wants to see you happy, and wants to see you grow. That someone will always be there for you, and you are missed dearly. Today is one of those days when I can't stop my heart from bleeding. There's no way out, only the hope to endure and rise above it all. You know, it's not easy not hearing your voice or seeing you. Oh! You asked too much from me, Gigi's mother. When I got you back, I thought you'd stay forever in my life and wouldn't leave.
21 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I finally got the new AirPods 4, which cost me peanuts (haha), I mean £60 because I had a £120 Apple gift card, so I thought I might as well buy the new ones now. And I named this whole "Airpods buying" event my birthday gift (haha), cheeky. You know when I gifted you the Polaroid camera, I wanted to have one, but like with you, so that we can take so many pictures together, and have them framed in an album. The origin of our family album. I hope you are collecting good memories with it. Do you click pictures with it? What do you capture? Will you click a moment of us? And dibs on that picture if…
I wanted to have a picture of us like this, I have one with my parents. I value this picture a lot, it's timeless. Our's would have made me blush, happy and few tears that we made it.
One or two cute and beautiful kids and Gigi. Now wouldn't that be a hell of a life!
20 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, how's it going? How are you doing? I talk about myself all the time here. But what about you? How do you hold yourself, it must be hard on you as well, or is it that you don't care at all? You have also loved me not just I loved you. You have also shared the same dream with me. You also wanted a family with me, to be that family, a family of our own. I'm telling you we make such a great and beautiful couple, But the question is do you really not see it or just don't want to? How do you bury such desires and dreams and live upon them? It takes courage, ask me, I had enough to change a lot of things but not these beautiful dreams. You are working on your brand, which I'm proud of you. I have always wanted to be a part of this journey of your life, but due to unforeseen bad times, our lives have cast us apart. By the way, I love the name "Blank", I'm sold already. Does it reflect what you feel inside, blank? I do, this blank space inside me. But I can't do much about it, although I'm trying. It is hard because it has always been my dream since I've understood the notions of love and you. The way you spark my existence, makes me feel alive. You are the adventure I always sought, you gorgeous.
19 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, it's like too many voices in my head and yet I feel nothing but this void. Is this how people grow, with a heavy heart? I didn't want to, not like this. Sometimes I feel I don't have time for my emotions only. I keep trying to get more done in a day. Add new things on the go, trying to learn something that gets me intrigued and makes me feel creative and productive. I started using Notion, although I used it earlier in Crib as well for work purposes, but now I am using it to manage everything from to-do lists, workout charts, budgeting, course notes and a lot more. So in conclusion Notion is a great tool to keep track and follow up on everything. Just doesn't track how I feel (lol). But yeah here, right now I can let my emotions loose for a toll. One thing I look forward to every day is writing these letters to you and not sending them. Well, it's one thing that keeps me going, keeps me on the path, this thing we call "hope". Either it's a true optimistic vision or it's just the devil in a new dress.
17 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I started coding again, from basics. I've been thinking about it for a while now, so today I just did it. I wrote my first code in C++. It was quite interesting to learn it again but with more focus and understanding. I didn't show coding this much attention earlier in college which I'm showing now, lol. It's like I want to do so many things simultaneously, which makes me feel overwhelmed and like I have less time in a day to do everything. But we cannot do everything in a day, can we now? It's all a process, every day a little token of knowledge and skill practice can make you grow exponentially, at a compounding rate. Sorry I'm using these financial terms a lot haha, it's just I'm reading The Psychology of Money" by Morgan Housel. Recently also, I bought two books- "Things No One Taught Us About Love by Vex King" and "If I Can't Have You by Charlotte Levin". Seems interesting, I'll read it and then share some lines from them here. If you ever read this, I want you to know that I will keep working on myself to become better from what I was yesterday on this journey, but with you, by my side, it will be an amazing and beautiful journey of my life.
16 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, how do you do it, how do you live without us? I wonder what goes on in your mind and heart. Do you think about us even once in a day, do you think about me? Does any song or movie remind you of me? Do you shed tears when it gets heavy? Do you not feel sad for us? Do you not feel empty, just doing your work and that's it? Like you forgot how to be happy or smile. What do you feel oh dear?
Even though I'm trying my best every single day, to make it count, I still feel very lost, as to what I'm doing, and if is it making any difference. I know these setbacks, are to test us, and I'm all in for it, but It gets even harder with you always on my mind. You gave me too much to suffer for my love and mistakes.
15 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, these Google photos keep talking about you like, #OJ #SpotlightOnOJ, #MemoriesOfOJ, #1YearSince, #RememberThisDay. Just you, nothing much else. I try not to open them because I know I won't be able to control the state of my emotions the way I'm doing right now. You gotta give it to Google Photos they know how to make you suffer by showing the greatest moment of your life, mocking you about how happy you were in the past than you are right now. To lose you is a great loss. Losing the partner of your life is tough, your emotional system doesn't support this. But It's ok, this suffering is worth it. You are worth it, even X1000 times. I keep myself busy with work, my everyday tasks, learning something new, to become something, otherwise what else will I do? There's a lot to do, a lot to explore, a lot to live and love, with you as my partner.
14 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, about yesterday, I called you and it hurts a lot to see us this way. You have some other impression of me now. I wish you could see me how you used to look at me with love, trust and respect. It was something magical when you looked at me when we were together. I don't know how to make you see us. Maybe one day or maybe not.
You don't even like me calling you, I try my best not to, I don't wanna force my feelings on you or something, it's just this love was for us both to carry. And it gets really heavy to hold on to at times. I remember telling you in the early days when we used to lay down at night when I told you about studying abroad, that people come and go, even I'll come and go. I was just like you are right now, didn't care about people but for myself. Then with time I opened up, fell in love, and saw and touched you. Dreamt of you as my life partner, a passionate partner, with goals and ambition, who is bold, smart, kind and beautiful. You just became my goddess and I am your worshipper. You gave me the power to become anything I want to. With you I found myself, I was complete. I wanted to grow with you and live a great life, you were just the way I imagined my partner to be, in fact even more. And now it's all fading away, you tell me how am I supposed to see my dreams die? The only thing which made me feel alive in this world and out of this world at the same time. I wish you were reading these, maybe you'll see what's going on inside me if not listen. Inside the same person you fell in love with.
13 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I feel very lost today, far from my goal. Today Scottish Power and Emma both sent me rejection mail, as if they were just waiting to gift me rejection on my birthday. I was hoping on one of them that I'll get it. Maybe I'll be able to sort things out and get you back. But now all seems so far. The only good thing that happened today was your birthday wish, even tho it was very formal sounding but I'll take it. I miss you a lot yaar, plz come back, without you, it's eating me alive inside. All these memories of us keep flashing in my mind and my phone. I wish I could hear your voice right now, maybe my tears will stop for a while, and maybe this pain will take a break. It is hitting hard today. I wish I was there spending my birthday with you like last year. It was the best birthday of my life. I'm losing it today, I wish you were here to tell me it will be ok, to hold my hand. I know these rejections are all part of the process, but what hurts more is that they are my hope to get you back in my life. To prove myself that I can make a miracle happen, the miracle I used to talk about, but yeah it is me who has to make that miracle happen no matter how many failures, but it just hurts because it extends our ultimate union.
12 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, have you watched La La Land? It is one of the movies I watch all the time now on repeat in my free time which is when I'm eating something. I could relate the story to ours because the ending is heartbreaking like ours. Well, I cannot change the movie's ending but I can try and change ours. And you know my favourite dialogue from the movie is when before leaving for Paris, Mia says" I'm always gonna love you" to which Sebastian says," I'm gonna love you too." It breaks my heart, as to how one has to sacrifice their love to chase their dreams. Wouldn't you want Sebastian and Mia to marry at the end? The same goes with us, wouldn't you want us to marry, or sacrifice our love? I believe we can chase our dreams together because somewhere our dreams align, believe it or not. My dream is to start a startup, a clothing brand named Gigi. I really wanna give my everything to start this brand and take it to a global level one day with its story, with our story. Anyway it's my birthday soon and I hope you'll at least wish, coz it will mean everything to me. I will wait till the end of the day in the hope you will show up and if you don't well it will hurt obviously but still won't lessen the strength of my love for you.
Also, remember I told you I had this interview with company Emma, well it went well and they can sponsor if I'm selected. Hope for the best!
10 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, do you remember last year when I left here to come to you for my birthday? I wish I could do all over again, come over and you hug me at the airport just like you did last time. I really wanna hug you once more, even if it is one last time and never let you go. But I just have to do this one important thing first, get a job, a good job, and maybe then I'll be able to gather some courage to see you again. Also, did I tell you I had an HR round today for Konard - a digital design agency, it's originally from NY but now they are expanding in London and India as well. It went alright a 20-minute meet on Google. Also, I've got another call for this coming Thursday with another HR from Emma- a finance app. Before this, I also had 2 video recording interviews with Sage and one main interview with Scottish Power. The one with the Scottish power I had to make a portfolio ppt, I didn't sleep the whole night to make the ppt. It was good, but let's see what happens, haven't heard from them yet. You would have been proud of me, you would have been with me, had I put these efforts before that I'm putting in now. I changed my ways, and my thinking, but the only thing I couldn't change was my heart, my love for you. Oh dear I love you and I miss you so much all the time.
8 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, I wonder if you miss me if you think twice about your decision? I hope you are doing something about your brand. You were always passionate about it, which I loved it. I always wanted to help you get started with it, just never did something about it. These days I'm thinking of starting one myself, and the name that I came up with is "Gigi" and the logo will be black cat of course, lol. I think it's a great name because it has a brand story and some value behind it. I miss Gigi, and I think about getting him back soon if I get a job in Bangalore. I will take care of our child. At least I'll have him if I can't have you, which is a shame, such a beautiful couple we make.
6 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, " Tumhari bohot yaad aati hai re". I'm trying my all here, working my ass off to make something out of me. I wanna turn around things in life, for the better, and you are the best there is, someone that makes me alive. I work all the time now, sometimes even skipping the gym, meals, and house chores, to keep working. I want this badly. Now I know what it takes to achieve something in life. And I like this passion to follow my dreams. But this emptiness I feel is heavy. How do you live with it?
5 September, 2024,
Oh, Gigi's mother, today I woke up with such a beautiful dream. It was about our wedding, yeah our wedding. So I told my parents about you and they started all the preparations straight forward, they looked so excited. And me, I was just on the top of the world.
Our wedding is one thing I've been waiting for to happen. You won't believe the day I got you back was one of the happiest and alive days of my life. Every single moment spent with you makes me feel me, makes me feel confident, invincible, winner of the world. You by my side, I can achieve anything. You bring the fire in me to do something in life. But this long distance did affect us, I thought we could pull this off, I wish you just held on for a bit more. I'm worth everything, why would you leave me, just because of my shortcomings? But I'm still the same person you loved just going through his own tough time, not dead from inside yet.
I hope one day comes when you'll understand, that leaving wasn't right and you made a mistake. You walked away from the person who truly loved you, just because he got lost on his way.
3 September, 2024,
Oh Gigi's mother,
"I've been tryin' to make you love me, but everything I try just takes you
further from me." — Kid Cudi, Kanye West (GHOST TOWN)
Did I tell you how much I love Kanye's music. I'm obsessed with it. I listen to Kanye in gym, hits different every time. I know for sure you will love it as well. I want you to listen with me, just like how we used to, you beautiful ♛
1 September, 2024,
Oh Gigi's mother, Let’s talk about music today, as I've been wanting to share some with you for a long while now. One of the things I loved about us was our passion for music. I miss how we used to sleep while listening to my 2a.m playlist. At that moment I was content and complete—that feeling of being in a place you never want to leave because it feels like home. Now when I listen to these songs, especially The Ballad of Cleopatra, it takes me back to all the feelings I ever felt with you. It touches my heart every day when I listen to it. I wonder if any song reminds you of me because all my songs are about you.
30 August, 2024,
Oh Gigi's mother, I wonder if you miss me, because believe me there is not a single moment when you are not on my mind. Most days goes by, but most just are heartbreaking. It's hard not able to see you or talk to you. Wait a minute I just called you and I died there, to what all you said. I didn't realise I got this low in my life, Sorry!! I do see it now but at what cost when there's nothing left. This breakup really made me look to what all went wrong and boi-o-boi it was me who hurt you. Sorry!! I know sorry won't make up anything, but yeah I realise how things were serious, to what extent and I let me my lack of confidence this low, which affected you. I was better than this, to whom you felt for and looked up. I really wanna get better in life, which I strive for and I am working upon it. I wanna lead a happy and ambitious life with you. It was you who made me realise what shit I've been all the time which is true. I just didn't do anything about it and cried about my misery. So I believe if I go wrong in my life ever you are there to show me the right path.
It's just it's very sad to see us like this, we are very beautiful together, we brighten up each other, I like to take care of you, you just being in my life is a blessing and I got careless and lost it. You are my precious person and I'm not able to let you go. You are my family and how can I let go off my family.